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Chris ErskineMan of the House• E-mail
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Recent Columns:
SO WE SAY O WE SAY an Ave Maria and send the little guy off to school for the very first time. Kindergarten . . . the bunny lair of lower education.
LIFE IS IFE IS a luggage carousel. Love is a modest black suitcase with no markings, 'round and 'round and 'round. . . .
Chicago
CLEANING UP a 5-year-old is a cinch. First scrape him with a dull blade to remove the layers of gum, asphalt, wet paint, shellac, bunny poo, perspiration, dog hair, pond scum, aphids and frog spit from his skin. Next, sponge him with lemon juice and club soda. Blot up excess moisture. Repeat. After two or three rounds of this, you should begin to see his skin again.
RANDOM thoughts, while waiting for my shipment of 100,000 Manny Ramirez wigs to arrive from Shanghai:
NOTHING CAN be fixed after 8 o'clock in the evening. I've tried. TVs, computers, all those miracles of modern life that seem to go haywire incessantly. My wife, Posh, is our IT person, and if she happens to be away, or on her second glass of wine, Lord, help us all -- as a family and as a nation.
SO, POSH canceled last week's attempt at a ceiling fan installation when she realized it was just a giant, spinning aphrodisiac, and our summer of love ended in the third week of July. Just ahead: a long and lonely winter.
POSH AND I have been working on the tone we use with each other, which grows more clipped with every up-tick in the temperature.
As Brett Favre is reminding us, retirement doesn't really mean retirement anymore. It's just a brief break before you make your comeback. Here are some other greats we'd like to see "un-retire."
We're trying to steal some family time in this increasingly busy and beepy world -- a world that has become electronic almost to a fault, human connections going, going, gone . . .