Bigfoot, Yeti have nothing on Carmelo Anthony-to-Lakers ‘story’

Anatomy of a trade (story):

These days the best trades are those ESPN makes up, like its one-day Carmelo Anthony-Andrew Bynum blockbuster with as much basis in fact as Bigfoot.

Here’s what happened:

Lakers General Manager Mitch Kupchak asked Denver GM Masai Ujiri what they wanted for Anthony.

In the NBA version of “Mission: Impossible’s” self-destructing messages, each GM says the other called him, standard practice since the invention of the telephone.

Whoever made this exploratory call, that ended that . . . almost.

All over butthe shouting

ESPN’s Chris Broussard reported “preliminary discussions about a blockbuster trade.”

Cellphones on the Lakers beat started ringing like the hot line from Moscow.

With the advantage of years developing Lakers sources . . . as opposed to trusting a single source, like the one who assured everyone Anthony was New Jersey-bound . . . local writers got denials across the board and, significantly, nothing suggesting Jim Buss doesn’t still dote on Bynum.

If some Lakers players wanted a Melo-Al Harrington-for-Bynum-Ron Artest deal, the front office and coaches didn’t.

By the way, Jim’s right. Bynum remains their key.

If they’re big, slow and don’t defend, what part does Melo address?

That ended that . . . almost.

Morning (gag)in America

In a major dog-and-pony show even for it, “SportsCenter” spent its first six minutes on the DOA report the next morning.

Would Melo and wife La La Vazquez like it here?

(They have a house in Malibu. Guess.)

Would Melo fit with Kobe Bryant?

(If not, Kobe will bite his head off at the neck.)

Would someone take Artest?

(Maybe in an alternate universe.)

“Nice little story for us!” chirped Hannah Storm. “Post-Super Bowl, but here we’ve got Melo maybe going to the defending champs. This is great stuff!”

(What Hannah meant was, they had zip before launching this paper airplane.)

“It never ends in the NBA anymore,” Broussard said. “After Melo, we’ll move on to somebody else, believe me.”

I believe you.

“Chris Broussard updates all day long . . .” sang Storm.

“On ESPNLA.com, weigh in: Should the Lakers, two-time defending champs, make a move?”

Old school’s out

“Don’t hate the playa, hate the game,” Ice-T wrote in a principle extending beyond South L.A.

This isn’t even about ESPN but the technology and the media-wide fight to survive.

Storm, Sage Steele and Josh Elliott are great anchors, more natural than company icon Dan Patrick without laughing at their own jokes like Keith Olbermann.

Broussard is a friend who came up through the New York Times.

Leveling growth rates at ESPN led to a new urgency to make news . . . like LeBron James’ special, which bosses subsequently apologized to staffers for.

Oh, and James no longer talks to ESPN.

A newspaper reporter this wrong would have a lot of explaining to do.

At ESPN, NBA partner and ally of Creative Artists Agency, the movie star agency pushing Anthony’s move, Broussard was on the cutting edge where he was supposed to be.

The story is now gone — except on the Big Talk Show from Bristol where its pratfall morphed into Lakers Trip May Decide Whether They Trade Bynum.

Next: ESPNLA.com asks Lakers fans if they’ve seen Bigfoot!

mark.heisler@latimes.com