Nicolas Cage vampire story travels in time, ages not one bit

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Nicolas Cage is not and has never been a time-traveling vampire, he said Thursday on ‘Late Night With David Letterman,’ when the host presented him with photographic ‘evidence’ of the aforementioned scenario.

But it appears the ‘Nic is a time-traveling vampire’ story is a bit more undead than Cage himself: It was born last September when an EBay seller posted a Civil War-era photo with the title ‘Nicolas Cage Is a Vampire/Photo From 1870/ Tennessee’ and a starting bid of $1 million.

‘My theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point, maybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor ‘Nicolas Cage’ will ‘die,’ ‘ antiques seller Jack Mord of Seattle joked to the Daily Mail back in September. ‘But in reality, the undead vampire ‘Nicolas Cage’ will have rejuvenated himself and appeared in some other part of the world, young again, and ready to start all over.’

As logical -- ahem -- as that theory might sound, Cage shot it down fairly quickly Thursday, noting that a picture was in fact involved, and ‘you can’t take pictures of vampires.’

Duh.

Also, he said, ‘I don’t drink blood, and the last time I looked in the mirror, I had a reflection, so I’m just not going to go with this vampire theory. I’m not going to do it.’

Next interview, we hope Letterman addresses the whole ‘Man Inside the Nicolas Cage Costume’ issue, as broached by the Onion News Network, below.

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— Christie D’Zurilla
twitter.com/dzurillaville