Opinion: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he

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Today’s disturbing bacterial news: Don’t put sponges in the microwave, say the Deseret News’ home and garden columnists. They’re a major fire hazard, even if they’re still wet. I’ll go that one further: Don’t buy into this new nuke-your-germs-away fad, an obvious setup by the microwave-industrial complex. For sponges or anything else, you’re better off boiling thoroughly on an open stove and air-drying.

Related: The day America lost its innocence. The creator of Bob Spongee, the Unemployed Sponge, is seeking $1.6 billion from Viacom and Nickelodeon, claiming his creation was appropriated to produce SpongeBob Squarepants. I already sense some holes in Troy Walker’s suit: When his case first surfaced in 2004, he claimed to have invented Bob Spongee in November 1991, to cheer people up during the Gulf War, though the Gulf War had ended by March of that year. Also, there’s the potential wild card of Bob Reese’s Spongee Sponge (Critterland Ocean Adventures), which predates Walker’s character by eight years. Finally, Bob Spongee is said to live on Apple Street with his wife, Linda, and their daughter, Bubbles, but SpongeBob only has eyes for Patrick.