‘The Hills’: Earth to Heidi . . .

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Who else thinks it’s time Heidi woke up? Last night’s episode was almost sad, watching her share the excitement of turning 21 with random Bolthouse intern No. 340983. And even Bolthouse intern No. 340983 found her birthday plans -- dinner with who else? Spencer -- rather lame.

Doesn’t she miss having friends? Or going out to party? She and Spencer (both pictured) practically live at their favorite Mexican restaurant and their apartment. We’re not sure she even really has a job.

Heidi, look what Spencer’s done to you. Do you want to keep resorting to crappy stunts like this?
I’ll cut to the chase. You’re friendless, jobless and he apparently convinced you that this was a good idea. (We’re sure those sex tapes rumors that you guys probably started were Spencer’s idea too.)

Watching you last night was almost too much for us to handle, with Spencer BlackBerrying your birthday away and you sipping on wine -- wine?!?! For your 21st birthday?!?! -- waiting.

We want the Heidi we know and love back. Heidi who spends her weeknights drinking, scheming and matchmaking at LAX or Les Deux? The new Heidi doesn’t get into trouble; she doesn’t get into anything. She just lonely. And that makes us cringe.

Our one hope is that this engagement is called off before MTV has a chance to cast her maid of honor. See, Heidi, right now we’re pretty sure you’d pick Spencer for the job, and that’s just not right.

Meanwhile, kudos to MTV’s promotions department for doing their darndest to make it look like the Teen Vogue event was on the verge of going under because of Lauren and Whitney’s faulty headgear. Nothing ever goes wrong at Teen Vogue, but we enjoyed the effort put into not only making it look like there might be trouble ahead, but that it would be Lauren and Whitney’s fault. That takes serious skills.

--Denise Martin