‘90210’: Breakups, meltdowns, and aw-snap moments

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Tonight’s ‘90210’ seemed to move a mile a minute, with so many breakups, meltdowns and aw-snap moments that it was hard to keep track of them all. Here are the best and worst parts of the drama-packed episode.

Best nice-guy makeover:

West Beverly’s favorite bushy-browed English teacher showed that his ‘Dead Poets Society’ days were behind him tonight. He cracked down on his wily students, forcing them to sit in alphabetical order and even – gasp! – write a paper! ‘Please double-space it and be sure to use standard margins,’ ordered Matthews. Oh no he didn’t! The students were suitably appalled.

Snappiest dialogue:

‘I’m gonna be up all night with Will Shakes,’ a coffee-chugging Adriana confided, while cramming for her ‘Cleopatra’ audition. Um, is this even the same show? I laughed out loud more than once at Naomi and Adrianna’s quick-fire one-liners tonight.

Worst casting:

Why do Naomi, her father and her father’s girlfriend all look the exact same age?

Oddest character development:

During tonight’s episode, Ethan’s character was really lacking in the -– uh -– making-any-sense-at-all department. With his excitement over being cast as a eunuch and his dopey, accident-causing u-turn, Ethan seemed to have turned into a happy-go-lucky idiot. Even Annie, queen of the goofballs, wished he’d just go away.

Biggest letdown:

Adrianna’s baby daddy could have been anybody! A druggie, a married man ... Nat from the Peach Pit? But instead, it’s Ty Collins. Yawn.

Most outrageous declaration:

Did any other original ‘90210’ junkies gasp when Mr. Matthews announced, ‘Ya know what, West Beverly High doesn’t revolve around Kelly Taylor’s love life.’ It most certainly does!

Most blatant attempt to replace Brenda:

Not since Walsh-house import Valerie Malone has there been such a blatant attempt to replace Brenda Walsh. The new high school drama teacher is proving quite similar to the old high school drama teacher thus far, not only in her appearance, but also in her no-nonsense demeanor and affinity for troubled actress Adrianna. But will she measure up?

Biggest shocker:

Annie wasn’t the only one to get rejected in tonight’s episode! After Annie lost the role of Cleopatra to Adrianna, Silver lost the role of Dixon’s girlfriend. Dixon dumped Silver out of nowhere tonight, signifying that yet another nice guy had reached his limit. Is there a woman-hating ex-nice guy on the writing staff or something?

Biggest ‘huh?’ moment:

‘I have a kid or I have an abortion,’ Adrianna told Naomi on the beach tonight. ‘Either way, how am I ever gonna fly a kite again? You know what I mean?’ Honestly? Not really.

-- Stephanie Lysaght