When Passing Out Those Party Favors, Don’t Forget Riggo

Nosing around the news .. .

Item: John Riggins brings D.C. party to its knees, and vice versa.

At a formal “Salute to Congress” banquet, the Redskins’ running back advised Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, “Loosen up, Sandy baby.” Then Riggo passed out on the floor, snoring through a George Bush speech.

Comment: Wow. Does this mean that the suave, polished, tactful John Riggins we’ve all come to know and love was really just an act?

There’s a lesson here, party throwers. If you invite a man who makes a living smashing his head through linebackers’ rib cages, don’t expect him to act like William F. Buckley.

Item: Bank might take Philadelphia Eagles away from owner Leonard Tose due to loan default.

Comment: There won’t be a dry eye in Philly.

Item: Lanny Wadkins blasts slow players on pro golf tour.

Comment: As sports gripes go, this is an oldie but goodie. Golf isn’t polo, the slow players argue, and the ball should be allowed to come to a full and complete stop before being struck again. But let’s be reasonable, gents: If your ball has moss growing on its north side, you’re probably deliberating too long over that shot.

Possible solution: Put the slowest golfers in the same threesome and turn John Riggins loose in their gallery.

Item: USC 78, UCLA 77.

Comment: What do the Bruins expect when they let the other team’s most dangerous scorer use his own personal basketball? Several TV closeups last Friday during free throws clearly showed the game ball marked in large Magic Marker letters: CARLANDER.

Still, the Bruins got off easy. Despite the own-ball advantage and the free advertising, Wayne Carlander hit only 5-of-13 field-goal attempts and missed two crucial free throws.

Item: The late Nellie Fox, on his 15th and final chance, missed being voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame by two votes.

Chicago baseball writer Jerome Holtzman appealed to the Hall’s board of directors, pointing out that Fox received 74.6% of the vote, which would round off to the required 75%. The appeal was rejected.

Comment: Splendid decision! Hey, if you let Fox in, it would set a dangerous precedent. Every doggone player who wound up with 74.6% of the vote would be banging on the Hall doors, crying to get in.

Item: Doug Flutie’s agent announces Flutie will sign with the USFL New Jersey Generals.

Comment: Seen in this space last Dec. 12: “Hunch bet: Doug Flutie to USFL . . . The Heisman winner has been talking about the challenge of playing in the NFL, but a little logic and a lot of money might change his mind . . . The money is in Donald Trump’s bottomless vault . . . “

Item: NFL shrugs off loss of Flutie.

Comment: How many men does it take to force a merger? The answer is one. Examples: Joe Namath, Julius Erving.

Whether or not Flutie will be that sort of overwhelming presence remains to be seen. But if the USFL people sign the Heisman winner every year, they increase their chances of winding up with the next Broadway Joe or Dr. J.

Item: New York fans boo Carl Lewis when he passes on his fifth and sixth attempts in the long jump. At his next meet, Lewis says, “I’m flabbergasted by the continued media mistreatment.”

Comment: Carl, old buddy, try this: Jump every jump. Or, if you’re injured, skip the journalist middlemen. Get on the PA system and explain it directly to the fans.

Your PR problem started when you passed on those jumps in the Olympics, leaving the fans feeling shortchanged. I know, you were trying to pace yourself to four gold medals, and you did a marvelous job. But now there’s no reason to hold back.

Indoor meet promoters pay you around $15,000 per meet, and the fans pay a lot to watch you jump. When you go home early, it’s like a hurdler leading the pack but quitting two hurdles before the finish because he gets a headache.

Item: L.A. Clippers admit to padding home attendance figures.

Comment: My dictionary defines attendance as: “The persons or number of persons present.” Fellows, why not just tell us how many persons showed up? Or, if you refer to it as “paid attendance,” how many persons paid and also showed up?

The L.A. Express did some heavy attendance padding at one time and they, too, were exposed by the press. Padding is nothing but a sophomoric gimmick employed to create the illusion of popularity. More on this later, right now I’ve got to answer the 873 fan letters I received today.