MARTIN AND PHIL (THE L.A. PHILHARMONIC, THAT IS)

For the sake of the classical music community in Los Angeles, would Martin Bernheimer please submit his resume and apply for the position of Executive Director of the Los Angeles Philharmonic that Ernest Fleischmann recently vacated (“Fleischmann to Paris Opera,” by Daniel Cariaga and Marc Shulgold, Nov. 27).

At last, someone would be at the helm to assemble suitable programs. Helicopters would no longer torment the Hollywood Bowl; I suppose it could be domed.

Bernheimer would be at the Music Center, in charge, to see that something is finally done about those lousy acoustics he’s constantly irritated by.

He’d see to it that people patronize the Bowl only to hear music, rather than expecting the uncivilized outdoor dining and all-too-comfortable evening with friends under the stars of a warm summer night. Fireworks with classical music are for slobs in bowling shirts, and a strict dress code could eliminate the need for so much as a sparkler.

He could appear on stage personally, back to the conductor with his arms folded, to frown disapprovingly at Neanderthal coughers and those so ignorant as to applaud at the first available break in the music when they enjoy something, rather than waiting for the “correct” break.

Finally, I’d be able to relax knowing Bernheimer is there to keep Andre Previn from bursting into a Busby Berkeley number with the kids from “Fame.”

Though you risk losing an important member of your staff by relaying this request, I hope you will do it so we can finally get this too-too accessible orchestra locked up and away from those who think things are going well.

Come on, Marty! Get in there and hose those savages down!

WILLIAM ROGERS

Los Angeles