MOVIE REVIEW : ‘BASIC TRAINING’: FROM DEPARTMENT OF OFFENSE

There are many mysteries about “Basic Training” (citywide), the biggest one being how it ever got made. But after suffering through this moronic comedy about sexual escapades in the corridors of the Pentagon, you have to wonder just where the laughs went. Maybe the Defense Department put a “Top Secret” stamp on all the funny pages in the script and donated them to a deserving USO Club. Or perhaps an overzealous bureaucrat mistakenly threw all the best jokes into a shredding machine.

Once you’ve exhausted these tempting theories, all that’s left is a feeble tale about Melinda (Ann Dusenberry), an idealistic young Ohio woman who moves to Washington, D.C., with the hope of serving her country. Installed as a secretary for a dimwitted Pentagon press officer, she discovers that most of the military’s energies are devoted to seducing their comely office staff. No need for a bed either--the office desk, a nearby pool table or even a slow-moving elevator will do just fine.

In fairness, the men aren’t the only ones obsessed with sex. Melinda’s roommates are devoted to similar pursuits. One keeps her telescope trained on the neighbors, who gyrate on their exercise machines. The other spends most of her time modeling skimpy outfits and squealing with erotic anticipation, as befits her motto, which she boasts is “flirting, foreplay and fun.” When Melinda’s boss escalates his sexual harassment, demanding that she play “Prisoner of War” with him, even she realizes it’s time for desperate measures.

Unfortunately, Melinda’s revenge scheme, which finds her posing as a self-styled Defense Department dominatrix, quickly fizzles as the script wanders off into all sorts of ridiculous subplots. In fact, all of the film’s narrative energies seem devoted to devising scenes that would feature its young lovelies in various states of undress. The biggest laughs come from the sheer implausibility of the film’s clunky plot devices. One particularly inept twist has a cleaning lady accidentally hitting a button and wiping out the Pentagon’s entire Soviet military computer file (gee, don’t they keep carbon copies?).

The only bright spot in the whole mess is Dusenberry, who even manages to lend some dignity and wry humor to an otherwise tacky strip-tease scene with a Soviet diplomat. She looks a bit wobbly in high heels, but she displays a spunky charm and a sly wit that give a refreshing touch of class to her transition from wide-eyed innocent to cagey temptress.

One only wishes the script had such glimmers of intelligence. As it stands, the best thing to be said about “Basic Training” is that it would make a perfect propaganda film for the Soviets. What could be a better way of proving that capitalism causes extensive brain damage, at least in the hands of grubby Hollywood film makers?

‘BASIC TRAINING’ An Entertainment Events Production. Producers Otto Salamon and Gil Adler. Director Andrew Sugerman. Writer Bernard M. Kahn. Camera Stephen Gray. Editor Larry Bock. Music Michael Cruz. Art Director John Carter. With Ann Dusenberry, Rhonda Shear, Angela Aames, Will Nye and Walter Gotell.

Running time: 1 hour, 28 minutes.

MPAA rating: R (under 17 requires an accompanying parent or adult guardian).