A REPORTER’S HIGH JINKS SHAKE UP NEW SEASON

The networks called again soliciting ideas for new programs, and Mr. Nice Guy here gave in. I was ready to hang up, but they begged and whimpered. So here goes:

--” Bubba, Bubba, Bubba & Bubba. “ A tough, gritty crime series about four defensive linemen on a pro football team who open a detective agency.

--” Croaker .” A cute little comedy about a boy who is able to converse with frogs.

--” Rick .” A comedy about a man named Bob, who hates being called Rick. Call him anything--Marvin, Sal, Virgil--but just don’t call him Rick, or the high jinks will start.

--” Smelly’s People. “ Intricately plotted, hard-edged spy series.

--” Bug Boy .” Orphaned as an infant, a youth is raised by insects. Strong stuff, with touches of humor.

--” Roland Reagan Is Not President. “ A simply riotous sitcom. People always think Roland Reagan is President Ronald Reagan, but he’s not. Tell him he is and the high jinks start, especially when his girlfriend, Nancy, is around. And, hey, don’t call her the First Lady either.

--” Jack the Ripper Is a Nice Guy. “ The serialized comic side of one of history’s most misunderstood characters, an off-the-wall Tim Conway type who can’t butcher anyone, even though, bless him, he tries.

--” Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Nixon .” A terrifying science-fiction thriller about a brilliant scientist who drinks one potion too many and turns into Richard Nixon for the rest of the series.

--” Dr. Ruthless: Dressed to Kill .” A tiny woman is a sex therapist by day, a giggling, homicidal maniac by night.

--” Can You Believe Anything This Ridiculous? “ More science fiction about the weird and fascinating things that could happen to celebrities. On the compelling premiere, Michael Jackson and Bruce Springsteen switch voices. In another episode, Hulk Hogan wakes up one morning fused at the hip to rock star Prince and June Allyson and must live the rest of his life that way. In still another episode, Richard Dawson finds that he is able to kiss himself on the lips, and is revolted.

--” Slap My Slip .” More zany comedy. Two male construction workers are red-blooded American guys, but, darn ‘em, they have lots of fun cross dressing, and that’s when the high jinks start.

--” Getty, Get John Paul Getty .” Not for the fainthearted. A killer who thinks he’s John Paul Getty is on the loose and pursued each week by a detective who thinks he’s John Paul Getty too.

--” My Friend, Dopey .” What a funny, lovable little guy. Except this little goof is such an incredible nerd that he puts his finger into his ear when he wants to pick his nose, and vice versa. And when he runs for President, the real high jinks begin.

--” The Bad News Bears & Minsky. “ A Little League baseball team and its coach open a detective agency.

--” My Name is Milton, What’s Yours? “ An endearing little man likes to compare other names with his own, but always likes his best. The touching message? Your name is yours, even if it’s a dumb name.

--” So My Friend Eloise Said She Wasn’t Going to Mr. Fred Anymore Because He Ruined Her Hair and Was So Rude Which Is Why She Had Such a Horrible Time at Her Card Game and She’ll Just Die if It Happens Again and I Told Her She Should Go to Mr. Jim Except He’s So Far Away and She Said ... “ A cute sitcom about a very dull woman who won’t shut up.

--” He’s Not Heavy, He’s My Mother .” A complex psychological drama with a twist ending that may not be for everyone.

--” Day of the Flake .” Authorities refuse to take the proper precautions, so a sleepy little town is nearly destroyed by dandruff. Powerful issue miniseries to be followed by a round-table discussion.

--” Snow White and the Seven Smurfs .” In the middle of the night, Snow White’s little roommates are murdered in their tiny beds and replaced by Smurfs, and she’s happy about it because Smurfs eat less.

--” Goldilocks and the Three Chicago Bears .” Three members of the world-champion Chicago Bears return to their apartment to find their porridge replaced by a gorgeous blond in bed. Adult material.

--” My Three Sons of the Pioneers .” Fred MacMurray’s boys grow up to be cowboy singers.

--” I Love Lassie .” Remake of a classic comedy, with a collie replacing Lucille Ball.

--” The Dukes of Hazardous Waste .” The Duke boys make extra money dumping toxic chemicals into streams, and that’s when the high jinks begin.

--” Chimp Squad .” Police recruit elite monkeys to solve especially tough cases. They start by destroying a prostitution ring headed by a ruthless chimp pimp who wears a white fedora and drives a pink Cadillac with mud flaps. Later in the season, the chimps become TV writers.