Stealing: Almost Every Kid’s Done It : Psychologists Cite Need for Openness, Apt Punishment

WASHINGTON —  It is the most pervasive form of juvenile delinquency. And yet stealing by children is seldom acknowledged by schools, by communities, by psychological literature, even by parents as an issue that sweeps all social classes and may tie in directly to later antisocial behavior.

“Most children,” psychologist Ronald J. Prinz told a symposium of the American Psychological Assn. here late last week, “report that at some point they have stolen.”

But because they tend to attach excessive “emotional overload” to the notion of a child who has stolen, adults are often likely to deny the behavior, fellow panelist Leah Klungness said. “They think, ‘My child has stolen a pack of gum--therefore he’s going to Sing-Sing.’ ”

Besides, said Klungness, a psychologist with the South Huntington Union Free School in Huntington Station, N.Y., “Adults are typically hesitant to label it ‘stealing.’ They all remember that they did it once.”

Early on the first day of this 94th annual convention of the world’s largest organization of psychologists, the subject of preadolescent stealing drew an enthusiastic, standing-room audience. One reason for the high degree of interest, panel chair Susan G. Forman of the University of South Carolina speculated, was that so little has been written or publicized on what Forman termed a “very serious problem.”

Agreed panelist Gloria Miller, from the same team of psychologists at the University of South Carolina, “I feel that this issue and this behavior have been significantly overlooked.”

In large part because of the relative dearth of research, no actual data exists on the numbers of child stealers. There are “some suggestions,” Klungness said, that preadolescent boys steal more than preadolescent girls. “But again,” Klungness cautioned, “we don’t know for sure.”

What researchers do know, Klungness went on, is that “one of the most critical issues is the accurate labeling of the child’s stealing behavior.”

Stressing that “stealing” in this context is covert, and refers only to non-confrontational behavior--that is, not mugging or other overtly aggressive acts that involve confrontation with the victim--Klungness called “deficient labeling” potentially the “largest factor contributing to a recurrence of the behavior.”

‘Atmosphere of Tolerance’

When “significant adults” fail to identify a child’s stealing, Klungness said, “it contributes to an atmosphere of tolerance.” Those adults, usually parents, may also foster an air of acceptability by accepting such “alternative labeling” as “I found it,” or “Someone let me borrow it.”

One explanation for mislabeling of juvenile stealing is that “a lot of times adults are fearful of possible legal repercussions--they are scared of the long-term consequences,” Miller said. Some research, she added, indicates that adults may in effect devalue the stealing behavior by placing other issues ahead of it. “They will say, ‘Yes, he is stealing, but really, he’s failing math,’ ” Miller said.

Or, Klungness said, “very often there is a kind of denial pattern within the adult environment.” For example, adults may not “count” suspected stealing or stealing of small amounts of money or inexpensive objects. Such leniency, she said, “means a greater likelihood that stealing will occur--or recur.”

In general, however, stealing by children does tend to reflect “a general lack of adult disciplinary skills,” Klungness said, as well as a “low level of involvement with the child.” Often within the home of the child stealer, she said, there is “inappropriate supervision.” Said Miller: “Children who have a lot of unmonitored time tend to get into trouble. We know that.”

The covert nature of stealing adds a major obstacle to treatment, Miller said, “because you have to be aware when the target behavior is occurring.” This is not necessarily easy. “Stealing is not very readily observable,” Miller said. “It’s hard to detect. It’s very rare that you catch someone in the act of stealing.”

‘Instant Reinforcement’

Stealing is also “highly reinforced” behavior, she said, in that “right away you get the goodies.” Frequently, Miller said, “children who steal will share what they steal with their peers. It provides instant reinforcement.”

“You take the candy,” Klungness said, “you get the goodie.”

Indeed, Klungness said, “very, very few incidences of stealing by children are related to genuine physical need.”

Stealing, in the view of Prinz, “is part of a constellation of behavior problems.” Children who steal, he said, are likely also to exhibit problems of conduct such as disobedience, non-compliance or excessive aggressiveness. In a treatment program for aggressive boys (not necessarily stealers) ages 4 to 9, Prinz said, “already, in our 60 families, 40-50% of our parents are reporting occurrences of stealing.”

If parental acknowledgement and involvement is the key to treating stealing by children, these psychologists said, so is consistency. “We emphasize that every act of stealing, no matter how big or small, be always followed with an immediate, predictable, negative consequence,” Prinz said. He smiled in the manner peculiar to someone who knows exactly what he’s talking about: “A nice one is a boring work task for an hour or two--something that has to be done, and has to be done immediately. The negative consequences can be tailored to that child’s dislikes.”

“Interventions,” Miller concurred, “need to be individualized to the particular child, the type of stealing and the setting.”

Whatever the punishment, it must be etched in stone, open to no negotiation whatsoever. “Parental decisions about stealing are not open to debate with the child,” Prinz said. “The parent’s word is the last word.”

But children respond well to direct action by parents. “Preadolescents are still strongly influenced by the role of the family,” Prinz said. “Children that age pretty much still want to please their parents and earn their approval.”

When they react at all, parents tend to overreact to the problem of child stealing, Prinz said. Since the child may already have earned a reputation as “a stealer” among his peers as well as his teachers, an inflated reaction may add to the stigma of stealing.

“Parents can learn to view stealing like any other unwanted behavior,” Prinz said. “Just like if a child yells a lot in the house: You want to stop it. It’s simply a behavior to change.”

All the histrionics, hand-wringing and all-night moral lectures in the world will probably not help to combat the problem, Prinz said. “We urge people to deal with it matter-of-factly.”

This also means no public humiliation of the child, Prinz said, and no reverting to the “bad seed” theory of stealing, as in: “His father/mother was just like that. My child was destined to be a thief.” On the contrary, the supportive parent will coach a child in how to reduce his stealing reputation and how to protect himself from accusations from his peers.

“Children can learn to help monitor themselves,” he said, “and not be suckered into situations where some other child sets them up.”

For example, Miller said, “we can help children learn how to avoid being in places that might lead to them being accused of stealing.”

Stealing makes many parents so uncomfortable, the panelists said, that they will hastily turn the problem over to a professional, pleading that they can’t deal with it directly.

“We try to dispel that immediately,” Prinz said. “We try to keep the parents actively involved because they are really the therapists with the child. We’re simply the sideline coaches.”

Certainly stealing is such a normative event, particularly for preschool children, that it’s sometimes viewed as an expected stage of curiosity. But as Miller, for one, pointed out, “Even though it is normative, stealing still needs to be identified as stealing. And it still needs to be treated as stealing.”