BYRNES’ ‘FINEST’ HONORS FATHERS, MEN
Manly men, passive men. Boys and fathers, boys and mothers. Men and women. Men and men. Men and goats. Life is so complicated.
“Burke Byrnes: America’s Finest” (closing Sunday at the Wallenboyd) is a funny, colorful recounting of the actor’s passage from youth to adulthood. It’s also a serious reflection on growing up male in the ‘40s: With stories of Russian roulette, football, sex (with men, women and goats), the Marines and especially Byrnes’ father, Steve (it never occurred to him to call him Dad), an Irish-Catholic cop and devoted family man, who showed his love by hugging, his anger by beating.
Following Byrnes’ performance recently, three representatives of the National Organization for Changing Men (“committed to positive changes in men’s roles and relationships”) joined the actor onstage for a dialogue with the audience.
“ I couldn’t take it,” began NOMC organizer Howard Wallman, referring to Byrne’s stoic resolve to “take it” in every instance of humiliation, anger and pain.
Wallman recalled a scarring event in his own childhood, when a loose tooth had to come out: “My father chased me around the house, pinned me down on the bed and pulled the tooth. But he decided right then that I couldn’t take it, and pretty much left me alone after that . . . I envied that you had a relationship with your father. Maybe discipline can be an act of love.”
Added NOCM board member Bill Vlahos, “It made me think about my own life. I missed the openness, the directness (Byrnes had with his father). Whether it was love or anger, it was there . It wasn’t until recently that I was able to get mad at my folks--and say ‘I love you’ at the same time. Maybe it’s all about growing up. (Byrnes’) dad was still growing, changing, until he died.”
Noted NOCM co-chairman Jeff Beane, “For me, it struck much too close to home--especially at the beginning, when we were laughing about the hitting. When I think where child and spouse abuse comes from: It comes from ‘taking it’ so long. So there’s the pain of that, and the joy of realizing you don’t have to take it anymore.”
The theater audience (which included a dozen NOCM members) was eager to get into the act.
“It was interesting to find out that jocks have pain,” said one man, causing chuckles. “I was too busy envying you guys in high school (to consider that). You know, one thing my men friends and I never talked about was our relationships with our dads. To see a theater piece about that is fascinating.”
Solicitations for a “woman’s point of view” were dismissed by a female audience member. “It never occurred to me that this is a man’s piece,” she said. “To me, it’s about being human. It tells the truth, touches all of us.” (Another woman conceded the universality of the theme, but thought that “the family is much harder on the boy.”)
“It really affected me, tears and laughter,” said a third woman, her words tumbling out in a flurry. “I have this relationship with my father, who’s also an actor. And I have a brother, whose relationship was totally different with him. He got all the attention: hugs for doing good, beatings for doing bad. I skipped that. So I’m glad I’m a woman--it was easier. But I realize that for our fathers, having feelings is a tough nut (to crack).”
Added Vlahos, “Howard mentioned that the women’s movement is celebrating 25 years. How many people know that the men’s movement is celebrating 12 years? What we’ve been doing is what (Byrnes) has been doing: establishing a place where men can come and talk to each other. It’s been very liberating for me to realize my dad had no choice (about much of his behavior). For me, the men’s movement, like the women’s movement, says that we do have a choice.”
Byrnes (whose credits include “Legal Eagles,” “10,” “The Falcon and the Snowman” and a recurring role in last season’s “dream” episodes of “Dallas”) stressed that for him, the play is an affirmation: of choice, change--and forgiveness.
“This piece is for Steve,” he stated. “Sure, there were things that were wrong, things we didn’t say. That’s OK; it was just the way it was. Every night now, I’ve got new memories, new insights. When you’re able to crack the (behavior) code and communicate, it can be very powerful. This offers a wonderful opportunity to show that.”
