Schembechler Also Lost a Chance

BOWL-BOTCHERS

It’s one of those injustices of history that Ohio State, and not Michigan, won a bid to the Cotton Bowl. Here’s Michigan’s Bo Schembechler, the sport’s premier bowl-bunglers, only man to lose in five different postseason clunkers--the Gator, Orange, Rose, Holiday Inn and Sugar--and he’s denied a chance to get whipped in a new one.

Oh, well. At least, Bo (3-10) can continue his assault on the late Bear Bryant’s mark for lifetime bowl losses (12). And come up with some more good exit lines, like, “I think BYU ought to be outlawed,” when he accused the school’s linemen of extensive holding in a Holiday setback two years ago.

This time, Bo’s going up against a guy who’s winless--Arizona State’s John Cooper (0-1). The Sun Devils are desperate to salvage some self-respect for their state, after Arizona’s embarrassing setback in the Coca-Cola Bowl at Tokyo this season.

Perhaps, the only way Bo can stop blowing bowl games is to emulate another botcher, Fred Akers (2-8). Fired by Texas, Akers recently signed to coach Purdon’t, where he’s unlikely to ever get a bowl bid again.

The Rankings:

Bungler, Team Rec. Bowl 1.Perles, Mich. State 0-2 None 2.Cooper, Ariz. State 0-1 Rose 3.Akers, Purdon’t 2-8 None 4.Schembechler, Mich. 3-10 Rose 5.Claiborne, Ky. 3-8 None 6.Dooley, Ga. 6-9 Hall of Tame 7.Edwards, BYU 4-6 Boredom 8.Collins, None* 2-2 None 9.Ford, Clemson 2-2+ Gator 10.Bruce, OhioSt. 5-5 Cotton

*Resigned as SMU coach.

+Record while coaching on field; so far, 0-0 when confined in press box.

WIMPIEST BOWL SCHOOLS (all-time records; 4 or more drubbings to qualify): 1. South Carolina (0-6, .000); 2. Virginia Tech (0-5, .000); 3. Iowa State (0-4, .000); 4. Arizona (0-4-1, .000***); 5. Wisconsin (1-5, .167); 6. Texas Tech (3-12-1, .200); 7. Cal (2-6-1, .250); 8. TCU (4-9-1, .308); 9. Colorado (4-7, .367); 10. BYU (4-6, .400). Honorable Mention: UCLA (6-7-1, .462).

***Does not include Coca-Cola Bowl disaster.

FOR THE RECORD: The Bottom Ten reported last week that Cal State Sacramento defeated Pacific by 24 points; actually, Pacific was the winner by that margin. Because of the error, Pacific was denied a bid to play in the Fiesta Bowl for the national championship. Oops!

THE PROS

With six losses in their last seven games, the Dallas Bowboys (7-8) are currently the worst team in the NFL--more inept even than the New Jersey Jets (four straight beatings). Obviously, the Bowboys are looking forward to the draft when they can fill their biggest need and find a decent running back.

Pity of it is, Dallas’ demise began too late this year to qualify it for the No. 1 Draft Derby. It appears that Tampa Bay (2-13) will win the right to fail to sign Miami (Fla.) QB Vinny Testaverde. (Testaverde, of course, is expected to be playing next to Bo Jackson in Kansas City Royals’ outfield next year.)

Tampa’s only rival, Indianapolis (2-13), is expected to romp to an easy win this week over the reeling Raiders and owner Al (“I’ll Never Play Rusty Hilger”) Davis. Anyway, the NFL, after being allowed access to Bottom Ten files, recently announced that even if Tampa and Indy finish with identical records, the deflated Bucs would get the pick on the basis of having the weaker schedule.

The Dolts protested that they have the weaker owner--Robert Irsay--to no avail.

The Rankings:

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Dallas (7-8) 21-23, Phldlpha Chicago 2. N.J. Jets (10-5) 24-45, Pitt Cincinnati 3. Bay (Tampa) (2-13) 7-21, Bay (Green) St. Louis 4. San Diego (4-11) 24-34, Seattle Cleveland 5. Buffalo (4-11) 14-24, Indnpls Houston

6. St. Louis (3-11-1); 7. Houston (4-11); 8. Lost Raiders (8-7); 9. Tie between Al Davis (0-1 vs. Gene Klein) and Robert Irsay (0-1 vs. Sports Illustrated).

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: Bay (Tampa) (2-13) at St. Louis (3-11-1).

QUOTEBOOK: “L.A.! L.A.! L.A.!” the players chanted in the dressing room. Pee-wee footballers? Pop Warner players? No! Adults! San Francisco 49er players psyching themselves up for this week’s Ram game after defeating New England.