THE PERILS OF BATTLE ON THE PARTY FIELD

The post-Oscar parties Monday night at Spago and La Scala scaled new highs in media exposure and new lows in fun--unless your idea of a good time is being trampled by a camera crew amid an earsplitting din.

Spago, of course, was hosting agent Irving (Swifty) Lazar’s annual Oscar bash which, by 10 post-ceremony time, looked like something out of “Day of the Locust.” As police cordoned off throngs of fans outside the West Hollywood restaurant, limo after limo spit out Oscar presenters, nominees, winners, ad celebritum: Elizabeth Taylor, George Hamilton, Lauren Bacall, Dustin Hoffman, Carol Burnett, Whoopi Goldberg, Shirley MacLaine, Jimmy Stewart, William Hurt, Marlee Matlin, Michael Douglas, Joan Collins, Linda Gray, Sally Field and Alexander Gudonov.

Pretty soon, it didn’t matter anymore. Sometimes too many celebrities stuffed in a room become more overwhelming than heady--kind of like overdosing on a super-rich chocolate mousse.

Lazar, who has proclaimed long and loud in the past about “his” guest list and “his” friends and who will come and who will not, seemed to be letting any and everyone in--including an overwhelming number of camera crews, reporters and bright, obnoxious lights. Lazar, who has often threatened to throw out journalists who pester his guests, by 10:30 had lost control of his own party or was beginning to believe his own publicity.

Camera crews swarmed over guests: one crew snagging Carol Burnett for an interview near the restroom; Joan Collins kind of playing the gay divorcee for all to see in front of another clutch of cameras, video and otherwise; MacLaine holding forth in another corner of the room, and everybody else just mashed up in between.

No matter that the back half of the restaurant was virtually empty; the crowd apparently wanted to be where the cameras were and vice versa.

Several longtime friends of the Lazars talked quietly among themselves in this empty area. “I think I liked it better when we had it at the Bistro,” a Lazar party veteran said wistfully. “These have just gotten too big.”

And glitzy. Similar complaints were heard throughout the crowded room and many Lazar regulars left much earlier than normal--that is, if they could. Exits were blocked by TV cameras outside as camera crews cornered newcomers for interviews. And, while always the most hospitable host and hostess in town, even Spago owners Barbara Lazaroff and husband Wolfgang Puck looked somewhat shellshocked as they bid a visitor goodby. Each year Puck loses his herb garden as paparazzi trample through. This year he might even be minus the sod, too.

Unless Lazar somehow is able to pull in the reins on his annual A-List bash, it might be headed for “B-dom.”

Several miles away in Beverly Hills, La Scala was the site of Hemdale Film Corp.’s congratulatory bash for “Platoon.” While the initial concept of the production company was to celebrate the film with the cast and crew, win or lose, “Platoon’s” four Oscars quickly put an end to that.

The narrow, multiroomed restaurant rapidly filled to capacity, not necessarily with celebrities, but with many drawn to success like magnets (the kind who drop off just as quickly when that success suffers a setback). Overheard: “Well, I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I’m sure I’ll love it.” As they schmoozed and flesh-pressed in the front room, the real party--of the truly affectionate heartwarming variety--went on virtually unnoticed in a far back room.

The “Platoon” cast, crew and their families toasted one another and director Oliver Stone with a warmth, camaraderie and devotion rarely seen in film companies . . . especially one that finished filming so long ago. Equally impressive were the cast and crew’s absolute devotion to their trainer, mentor and adviser, retired Capt. Dale Dye, who showed up in full Marine dress. (Dye also doubled in the film as an Army captain).

As Marine Reserve Sgt. Robert (Rock) Galotti, an assistant to Dye, explained, “We still consider ourselves a platoon. There are 15 of us who get together at least every other month. We don’t lose touch with each other.”

Tom Berenger, taking his best supporting actor loss in stride, agreed: “A film like this renewed a part of me that was getting a little jaded. I’ve never had support like this that started with the training for the film and continued all the way through.”

When an exuberant Stone arrived, Oscar firmly in hand, the “Platoon” platoon erupted in cheers, hoots, yells and backslapping. Stone went upstairs to do an interview where a TV crew was discreetly set up, unlike the Spago media scene, and left his Oscar with the gang, who passed it around, posed with it and returned it unscathed to their obviously revered commanding officer.

When a large cake celebrating Hemdale’s films for the year--”Salvador,” “Platoon,” and “Hoosiers”--arrived, the rambunctious crowd gathered around Stone, Hemdale executive John Daly and producer Arnold Kopelson for a photo session. The best that Orion chief executive Mike Medavoy--who distributed the film--could do, was watch from the sidelines. As Marine Reserve Cpl. Mark Ebenhoch, another Dye aide, yelled, “This is the wrap party we never had!”