Oasis of Understanding in Desert of Despair : It was for many the first time they had knowingly met someone from the other side : Seeking Accord at Their Own ‘United Nations’

When Susan Weissman and her husband joined Leo Baeck Temple in 1983, she said she wanted to participate in the Arab-Jewish dialogue group. Her motivation was the haunting memory of her panicked reaction to meeting an Arab on a plane some years before. But the temple had no such group and, she said, Rabbi Sanford Ragins asked her, “Can you make it happen for us?”

She did. For the past three years Weissman and two others from Leo Baeck, Sandy Savett and Monica Billet, all American-born Jews, have met with three Arab-Americans born in the Middle East--Awni Rayyis, a Palestinian Muslim, Florence Solomon, a Palestinian Christian, and Thoraya Essahki, an Iraqi Christian. From the beginning they have had as their facilitator Alex Norman, an Afro-American sociologist.

Good Progress

Meeting in each other’s living rooms and kitchens, they have come far. Starting with no clear purpose, they reached the point where they chiseled a statement of commonality out of hard fears, suspicion, compromise and hopes. It includes acceptance of the state of Israel and self-determination for the Palestinians in the form of a separate Palestinian state, and a belief that Israel and the Palestine Liberation Organization must find a way to negotiate.

“You would have thought we were the United Nations,” Thoraya Essahki recalled of the laborious drafting process.

For all of that agreement, they can find themselves back at square one. It happened one night last summer when they invited an outsider to their meeting for the first time. They never got to their agenda, “Iraqi Jews since 1945.” A stray comment brought them back to blame-placing and a pained discussion of what assurance there is for Jews to hear that Arabs accept the “reality” of Israel. It was like listening to lovers. They sounded hurt, exasperated and betrayed.

At Crossroads Now

Such setbacks do not last. Their discussions reveal they have begun to make a distinction between ideal dreams and a pragmatic acceptance of what is real and possible. They describe themselves as at a crossroads now.

“The time for chatting is past,” Weissman said.

Just last summer no one was willing to “go public.” Now they have joined the American Coalition of Middle East Dialogue groups and Weissman is on the steering committee. They want to make joint presentations to schools. They are considering “lobbying” politicians, Weissman said, perhaps with other groups, and inviting candidates to speak to them. The message? “That there is a constituency (of Arabs and Jews) representing moderate points of view,” Weissman said.”

There are deep emotional ties. Weissman described coming home from Rosh Hashanah services with her husband and finding a wish for a happy new year from Awni Rayyis on their answering machine. “It gave us goose bumps,” she said.

Thoraya Essahki says she got involved reluctantly as a favor to her friend Florence: “I felt, ‘OK. Others are doing big things. I’ll concentrate on this.’ I stuck with it so it would be one little contribution.”

Although Essahki admits she has to force herself to go sometimes, feeling it is a futile effort, overall she calls it a gratifying experience. She feels the Arabs have been able to get information across and that although the group is small, the women are connected to the larger Jewish community. She has learned more about American Jews, about the reality of their fears, she said, and the importance of Israel to them. She says with conviction that the three of them are her friends.

To Susan Weissman the friendships are as deep, she said, mentioning a special bond with Essahki.

“I have fought with Thoraya more viciously than I have ever fought before. It’s been a passion that I have never really known before. It’s been wonderful for me,” she said with a grin. “Even if there’s peace, we’ll be friends.”