A Marathon With Miles of Merriment

Nothing in the athletic book decrees that a successful marathon must be marked by broken feet, huddles of melting humans and last gasps from collapsed lungs.

Some events are even fun.

Sunday’s Jimmy Stewart Relay Marathon couldn’t be lighter if Harvey was entered.

“We have celebrities, a petting zoo, costume contests and English judges in robes and wigs who will be taking bribes,” one race official said. “I think of this marathon as a festival where every once in a while somebody starts running.”

In actuality, about 900 teams formed from 4,500 contestants will run this seventh annual event in 5.2-mile legs. They will start at 8 a.m. in Griffith Park and loop around Griffith Park and lope to a finish in Griffith Park.

Some will be making serious strides against themselves and the clock. Most will be lolloping for the heck of it and to benefit St. John’s Hospital and Health Center Foundation of Santa Monica.

“We won’t be out there to knock ‘em dead,” said Gail Kemble, leader of a five-woman team whose husbands are all FBI agents. “We’ll be out there to finish, to have a barbecue at a friend’s place after the race, to have a good time . . . like last year when several people got to the four-mile mark and started walking and talking and looking forward to that first beer.”

The Boston Marathon is antiquity and national rankings. New York focuses on international runners. The Los Angeles Marathon is a 26-mile Doo Dah Parade.

And the Jimmy Stewart Relay (with Robert Wagner as co-celebrity host) claims fame as the greatest collector of catchy team names since Roller Derby.

Kemble’s group, for example, chooses to recognize the FBI subspeciality of its husbands. They run as the Swatmamas. They could have been, she supposed, the Unpassables but “the guys are a pretty macho bunch; they suggested Swatmamas and so we went along,” she said.

Blake Edwards has sponsored a team. He directed that movie in which Dudley Moore found Bo Derek and man’s perfect fantasy. Edwards’ five will run as Tens.

From USC’s medical school comes Chimera. Webster’s defines chimera as a fantastic combination of incongruous parts.

Edwards Air Force Base, the birthplace of supersonic flight, will field two teams: the Right Stuff Racers, of course, and the Astroblasters.

There are teams in which the combined age exceeds three centuries. Some runners are in their 80s. “If our real seniors could get it together, we’d have close to 500 years,” said Bess James, 78, of San Jacinto, a veteran of 420 distance races.

James and the seniors will run and charge all the way and ask no quarter. They smile at themselves as the Feeble Five and Kids.

From the Los Angeles City Fire Department--the Foam Carriers and Roadburners.

From the California Highway Patrol--Road Warriors.

From a group of ophthalmologists--Racing Eyeballs.

From the cardiovascular specialists at St. John’s Hospital--Clot Hoppers.

From a group of sheriff’s deputies, an assistant district attorney and a clerk at Santa Monica Superior Court--Fatal Attrition.

“ Attrition just seemed such a good word to describe the effects of marathon running,” said deputy Patrick Quinn, team co-founder.

And from Hill, Betts & Nash, a Los Angeles law firm--Galloping Escargots. Huh? “I have no idea,” attorney Robert Ridley said. “We had a contest at the office and maybe that name was picked because somebody knew how to draw a snail for the team sign. Or because we tend to do the marathon very slowly.”

Jimmy Stewart will not be running in his own marathon. He is almost 80. He is excused.

Robert Wagner, on the other hand, is a mere slip of a lad of 57. Yet he won’t be running.

“He’s flying to England later that day to start a new television series,” race director Walt Walston explained. “Last year? He was too busy signing autographs. Next year? We’ve got 12 months to think of something.”

Jimmy Stewart Relay Marathon, Griffith Park, 8 a.m., Sunday. Park at Los Angeles Zoo and take tram to start site. Information: (213) 829-8968.