The Way They Were, or Weren’t

Lowlights, dark nights and weird sights of football, 1988, as culled from the Dead Season Scrolls:

THE COLLEGES

--The University of Wisconsin invited 200 former players to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the school’s football program. They had the honor of watching the Badgers lose to Michigan, 62-14.

--When Troy State’s lights malfunctioned late in a game against Southeast Missouri, the stadium moved en masse to a nearby practice field to finish it. Troy eventually won, 26-13. Time: 5 1/2 hours.

--Ernie-Banks-let’s-play-two award: The University of New Mexico mistakenly scheduled games against Air Force and Arizona State on the same day.

--Lamar University left its pants at home when it traveled to Tempe to play Arizona State. Evidently embarrassed at having to wear Sun Devil hand-me downs, Lamar lost, 24-13.

--On the same day that Vince Dooley’s Georgia team defeated Watson Brown’s Vanderbilt team, brother Bill Dooley coached Wake Forest to victory over North Carolina, which is coached by Watson’s brother, Mack Brown.

--Wisconsin Coach Don Morton, suffering through a 1-10 season, appeared at the start of his television show one week in a coffin.

--Jackson State was penalized 15 yards for unsportsmanlike conduct because its marching band, a.k.a., The Sonic Boom of the South, boomed too loudly when opponent Mississippi Valley State had the ball.

--After Kansas was crushed, 56-7, by Auburn, game officials disclosed that Wildcat coaches had asked them to speed up the game in the second half.

--The University of Virginia’s Cavalier broke the arm of Maryland’s Terrapin in a Battle of the Mascots.

THE PROS

--After Raider Coach Tom Flores resigned in January, owner Al Davis said that “race, color, creed and even sex “ would not be factors in selecting a successor, prompting rumors that Phyllis George would be chosen.

--Chicago quarterback Jim McMahon suffered a preseason ankle injury when he fell off a street curb.

--When Cincinnati cut center Dave Rimington, quarterback Boomer Esiason showed up at practice the next day wearing Rimington’s uniform as a tribute.

--Phoenix lost the pregame coin flip 8 straight weeks.

--New Orleans’ Jim Dombrowski claimed that Washington’s Dexter Manley spit on him. Manley said he was sneezing.

--Statistical standouts included Buffalo running back Ronnie Harmon, who lost 24 yards on an end run; Pittsburgh center Mike Webster, whose errant snap was recovered 47 yards down the field; and the Jets, who lateraled the ball 11 times on one kickoff return for a net gain of 1 yard.

--Criticized for exorbitant ticket prices--the average was $38--at the team’s new home at Tempe, Ariz., Phoenix Cardinals owner Bill Bidwell pointed out: “There are plenty of $25 seats in the end zones.”

--Trick play of the year: When a field-goal attempt by Philadelphia’s Luis Zendejas was blocked by the Giants, the Eagles picked it up and ran it in for the winning touchdown.

THE HOBBYISTS

--The Raiders’ Bo Jackson suffered a groin pull while undressing after the 49ers game.