Some Winning Quotations From 1988

Happy New Year. Here are some selected one-liners from 1988:

Frank King, chairman of the Calgary Winter Olympics organizing committee: “Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they’ll use all their fingers.”

Jim Valvano, North Carolina State basketball coach and athletic director, on college administrators: “Monday through Friday, they want you to be like Harvard. On Saturday, they want you to play like Oklahoma.”

Julius Erving, on Charles Barkley of the Philadelphia 76ers: “When Charles first came into the league, his body proportions were out of whack. He looked more like Dom DeLuise. Now he looks like Michelangelo’s statue David. The only thing that is fat now is his head.”

Lee Trevino, to a woman who saw him washing the windows at his home and asked him how much he charged: “Lady, the woman in this house lets me sleep with her.”

Billy Martin, asked if he had a drinking problem: “The only problem is that you run into a guy who’s a banker in the afternoon and thinks he’s King Kong at night. If one of those guys tries something with me, I’ll drop him.”

Golfer JoAnne Carner, crediting Martin with teaching her how to win: “The only thing I never learned from Billy Martin was how to knock a guy out in a bar.”

Pitcher Mike Scott of the Houston Astros, after the attendance figure of 1938 was put on the scoreboard in Atlanta: “I didn’t know if that was the attendance or the year Nolan Ryan was born.”

Dodger Manger Tom Lasorda, asked by Chicago reporters how fast Don Sutton was pitching: “We had him clocked at 92--45 going to Rick Dempsey and 47 coming back.”

Coach John Thompson of Georgetown, on the criticism he’s received: “It doesn’t bother me. The more I’m criticized, the more my speaking fee goes up.”

Dennis Rodman of the Detroit Pistons, asked if he would kiss Magic Johnson on the cheek as Isiah Thomas did: “I think we should get engaged first.”

Comedian Jackie Mason, claiming Michael Spinks didn’t train properly for Mike Tyson: “He should have taken voice lessons, so he could have yelled for help.”

CBS announcer Jim Nantz, at a roast for Miami Coach Jimmy Johnson: “The only time Jimmy didn’t run up the score was 27 years ago, when he took the SAT.”

Coach Lou Holtz of Notre Dame, on his youth: “You hear people talking about an inferiority complex. Me, I didn’t have a complex. I was inferior.”

David Letterman: “Baseball was an exhibition sport in the Olympics this year--sort of like it was in Baltimore.”

Mickey Hatcher of the Dodgers, on Kirk Gibson’s ninth-inning home run in Game 1 of the World Series: “I wanted to go out and kiss the guy, but he never shaves.”

Oakland’s Jose Canseco, on Dodger pitcher Orel Hershiser: “I’m going to hire him as my personal hitting coach.”

Craig Fertig, former USC quarterback and assistant coach who is the new associate athletic director at UC Irvine: “There’s a rumor we’re going to start playing football. The first call I get is from Terry Donahue. He wants to schedule us.”

Lou Holtz, asked the effect the suspension of two players for being late to a team meal had on the team’s punctuality: “At the next pregame meal, our guys came and watched them prepare it.”