You Could See Future by Looking in Mirror

“TYSON STOPS BRUNO IN 5,” screamed the headline in Britain’s Daily Mirror.

Not particularly creative, true, but then again it did appear five days before last weekend’s celebrated fight in Las Vegas.

The Mirror, stretching the definition of journalism to new lengths, not only called the fight but provided a round-by-round description and even published “post-fight” quotes.

The Round 5 description included the following:

“Britain’s dazed hero tries to fight his way back to the centre of the ring, but a thundering left hook sends him falling back into the ropes.

“The referee leaps between the two boxers and leads brave, battered Frank back to his corner.

“It is all over after 1 minute 40 seconds of the fifth round.”

It was 2:55 into the round, actually, but who’s counting.

Add Tyson-Bruno: Best line of the HBO telecast came from Larry Merchant, although it’s doubtful the folks in Glasgow or Edinburgh would have appreciated it.

“If (Bruno) lasts another two rounds, they may give him Scotland,” Merchant said.

Trivia time: What two things do Joe Sambito, Tim Lollar, Sammy Stewart, Steve Crawford, Dave Stapleton and Don Baylor have in common?

Batter up: The Washington Post’s Tony Kornheiser was less than impressed by Dodger pitcher Orel Hershiser’s remark after signing his $7.9-million contract that he was “back to being warm and goosey about being a Dodger.”

Said Kornheiser: “I should hope so. For $7,000 a day, I could be warm and goosey about being a lab rat.”

Now on the mound, Rick Rodent?

Words to live by: Iran Barkley, discounting rumors that he was not perhaps the fighter he imagined, had quite a bit to say before his bout with Roberto Duran.

“Let ‘em all talk about me,” he said. “And let Duran believe it all. Let it boost his ego up. That way it will be even more of a shock when I kick his butt.”

He didn’t stop there, either.

“I’m glad he’s in shape,” Barkley said. “That will make it easier for him to fit into his coffin.”

Nor was that all. Barkley even scoffed at a possible Sugar Ray Leonard-Duran rematch.

“Forget Leonard-Duran,” he said. “It’ll never happen. There’s no way I’m going to let this fat old guy beat me.”

Sometimes it’s best not to anger fat old guys.

Trivia answer: All six were members of the Boston Red Sox 1986 American League championship team and all six are out of baseball.

Quotebook

Dick Beaty, NASCAR-Winston Cup director, on the 24-hour cars that run at Daytona: “They don’t resemble anything on earth. . . . When Kyle Petty ran one, it had so many switches he had to pull off the track to figure out how to turn the lights on.”