Will Carolinas Get Together?

The Colleges

The hot topic in college football, of course, was the rumored reunification of East Carolina and Western Carolina and whether the NCAA would feel threatened by such a merger.

Meanwhile, on the misplaying field, Bottom Ten flowerhouses LSU (3-7) and UCLA (3-7-1) avoided defeats over the weekend to throw the race into turmoil. The Ruins actually would have beaten USC, except they neglected to install their new breakaway goal posts.

Baylor (4-6), which gave up a bases-loaded home run in the ninth inning to lose to Rice (3-6), was temporarily named No. 1 with one week to go. Not far behind was Fresno State Coach Jim Sweeney, who called New Mexico “pathetic” after a 68-21 win last year. New Mexico (2-10) was less pathetic this time, routing previously undefeated (10-0) Fresno State, 45-22.

And in an increasingly common statistical category, Arizona suspended its third and fourth players of the season for various infractions, and Florida gave the heave-ho to its third player as both pulled ahead of Notre Dame (2). They’re still far behind Oklahoma, which announced four more suspensions Wednesday to run its total to nine.

THE BOTTOM TEN RANKINGS

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Baylor (4-6) 3-6, Rice Texas 2. LSU (3-7) Def. Miss. St, 44-20 Tulane 3. Popping off (0-1) 22-45, N. Mexico Raisin 4. Miamis*(11-9-1) Split Notre Dame 5. N’eastrn** (3-7) Measles Finished 6. USC (8-2-1) Tied UCLA, 10-10 Rose Bowl*** 6. (Tie) UCLA (3-7-1) Tied USC, 10-10 Rose Bowl**** 8. Idle Idle Peach Bowl 9. (Tie) Florida 1 player ? 9. Arizona 2 players ? 9. Oklahoma 4 players ?

11-20: Just in case Michigan loses this Saturday’s Rose Bowl decider against Ohio State, here is a list of Michigan Coach Bo Schembechler’s Greatest Alibis for Bo to choose from:

11. Claimed loss to Arizona State in 1987 Rose Bowl occurred because Sun Devil players were on steroids and were “an artificial team.”

12. Also blamed 1987 Rose Bowl loss on crowd cheering against Michigan, adding, “It would be nice someday if we (Big Ten teams) got as many tickets as they (Pac-10) did.”

13. Attributed loss to BYU in the 1984 Holiday Bowl to fact that “BYU is the worst holding team in the U.S. . . . I think BYU ought to be outlawed. . . .”

14. Also attributed BYU loss to the fact that Michigan players had less time to practice because of final exams.

15. Blamed 1977 loss to Duke on ACC officials and called Big Ten officials “a bunch of goons.”

16. Claimed that Ohio State was chosen over Michigan for the 1974 Rose Bowl because Big Ten Commissioner Wayne Duke “engineered the vote.”

17. In 1982, claimed the Big Ten wasn’t as dominant as it used to be because many high school prospects in the Midwest were opting for hockey and soccer.

18. Blamed Michigan’s absence from the Top Ten rankings at one point in 1982 on the “natural resentment and jealousy toward the Big Ten because it was so dominant years ago.”

19. Blamed 1982 loss to Ohio State on Buckeye linebackers allegedly mimicking Michigan quarterback’s signals.

20. Blamed 1979 Rose Bowl loss to USC “on a touchdown where the guy scoring (Charles White) didn’t have the football at the time.”

*Combined records of Miami (Fla.) and Miami (O.).

**Canceled game vs. James Madison after more than 20 players came down with the measles.

***Playing in Rose Bowl.

****Scrubbing facility to get it ready for USC’s appearance.

QUOTEBOOK: BYU quarterback Ty Detmer, who was forced to use a public restroom in the fourth quarter because the locker room door was locked: “It was hard to go to the bathroom because the fans kept coming up and talking to me.”

The Pros

It isn’t often that a ballcarrier tries to straight-arm a defender with the same arm that he’s using to cradle the ball. Pitt’s megabucks back, Tim Worley, tried that unusual maneuver against San Diego and picked up his sixth lost fumble of the season.

That’s why Worley, who is averaging barely three yards a carry, is a prime contender for the NFL’s LVR (Least Valuable Rookie) award. Right behind him is Knee-On Deion Sanders, the Atlanta cheap-shot specialist who picked up his third personal foul in two weeks to pace a Falcon loss to New Orleans.

In the team category, Detroit (2-9) upped its league-leading turnover total to 40 with a colorful variety of miscues, including three lost fumbles, two interceptions and one blocked punt that was recovered for a Cincinnati touchdown.

THE RANKINGS

SWOON CONFERENCE

Team Was Is Next Loss 1. Chicago 4-0 6-5 Washington 2. Indy 3-2 5-6 San Diego 3. Seattle 4-4 4-7 Denver 4. Washington 3-2 5-6 Chicago 5. Dallas 1-8 1-10 Philadelphia

CAN’T-KICK CONFERENCE

Flubber FGs Att.-Made 1. Lowery (KC) 2-1* 2. DeLine (Phil) 3-1 3. Zendejas (Dal)) 2-0 4. Karlis (Minn) 2-1**

*Missed attempts at end of regulation, overtime in 10-10 tie.

**Missed conversion in 9-10 loss to Philadelphia.

BETTORS’ BOTTOM FIVE CONFERENCE

Team, Record Vs. Line 1. N.J. Jets (2-9) 2-9 2. Washington (5-6) 2-7-2 3. Dallas (1-10) 3-8 4. Seattle (4-7) 3-8 5. Indy (5-6) 4-7

QUOTEBOOK: Giant quarterback Phil Simms, on the loss by San Francisco to the Rams that kept the Giants out of the playoffs: “They (the 49ers) died like dogs.” (Note: The 49ers will be nipping at Simms’ heels in the Monday night game at Candlestick Park).