Cincinnati’s Wyche, the Top Cat, Shows He’s Headline Material

Don’t you just love this time of year? Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose and, yes, folks gathering up to discuss peace on earth and the National Football League playoffs.

Just the other day, the food editor and the movie critic of The Baltimore Evening Sun had to be restrained at the water fountain. The bone of contention was the sixth tie-breaker rule when three or more teams are tied for a wild-card spot.

Being as how I have a copy of the rules tattooed on my right thigh, I quickly informed that strength of schedule was the determining factor given that the first five procedures had not broken the tie. The food editor threw a high five.

At a luncheon recently, someone wanted to know if, with just one weekend remaining in the NFL regular season, 17 teams still have visions of postseason bonus checks dancing around in their heads. That is correct because only one team was eliminated last weekend, the Washington Redskins, who won and obviously have too good a record (9-6) to proceed further.

One concludes that the old “less is more” doctrine is in effect here upon learning that Kansas City and Seattle, a couple of teams with non-winning records, remain alive.

Granted, the Seahawks’ chances are pretty slim -- they must win while a half-dozen AFC rivals are losing -- but interest in the Great Northwest figures to be sustained nonetheless.

And isn’t that what it’s all about, dragging every last little bit of suspense, anticipation, drama and energy out of our helmeted heroes and the ticket-buying public?

To this end, it has been both timely and fortunate that Cincinnati Coach Sam Wyche stepped forward to put a charge into this season of good will with his peppery remarks about Houston and its mentor, Jerry Glanville.

With Mike Ditka reduced to offering apologies and checking receipts at the restaurant, Wyche moves up from being a lounge act, and he has performed handsomely in the main room.

Not only have Sam’s snipes at Glanville -- “drop me a note if you find somebody who likes that phony” -- carried the print this week, but they have also served to remind us that the Bengals close out Christmas Night against the Vikings.

Knowing ABC and its penchant for the obvious, consider the odds of Al Michaels, Frank Gifford and Dan Dierdorf showing up dressed as wise men bearing gold, frankincense and myrrh.

It’s quite apparent Wyche’s remarks concerning Glanville were not spur of the moment stuff, but scripted and delivered for maximum effect. The timing was impeccable. After being on the wrong end of a 61-7 score, ol’ Jer was hamstrung to reply. Better to crawl back to the Astrodome and lick wounds until Saturday night’s finale against Cleveland.

One remark Slammin’ Sammy offered was particularly ironic considering recent history. Wyche referred to Glanville & Company as “the dumbest,” perhaps forgetting that it was he who forsook the punt in a game a couple of seasons ago and ordered his team to run out the clock against San Francisco by running the ball on fourth down deep in its own territory.

Time didn’t expire, the 49ers retained enough time for one last play and, bingo, Joe Montana hit a mate in the end zone for the victory. Now that was dumb, coach.

But we quibble. The point is, with a legion of colorless coaches interspersing cliches with bromides, idioms, platitudes and maxims, Wyche moves front and center as a interesting and marketable item.

He has a laudable track record, taunting fellow coaches Marv Levy of Buffalo and Chuck Knox of Seattle, plus the entire city of Cleveland and the hoi polloi in the bleachers.

The Bengals, whom we should all be pulling for, face this situation: They must win and then can lay claim to a wild card if one of two things happen. If Buffalo, Miami, Indianapolis and the Raiders lose, the Bengals move on. If three of the four win, a victory by Pittsburgh or a loss by Houston gets Cincy into the tie-breaking equation that could come down to net points. And now you know why Wyche never got around to saying “no mas” during the Houston rout last Sunday.