Partying With Tradition, Again : Holidays: What starts as a casual get-together may evolve into a distinctive, long-lived event, couples say.
Peter and Pam Mullin’s annual Christmas party finally burst its seams this year. They had to move it from their Pasadena home to a Santa Monica Airport hangar to accommodate 500 guests.
Margo O’Connell’s guests have been eating spaghetti off of paper plates at her family holiday bash in Hancock Park since 1976, and Priscilla and Curt Tamkin are still serving mai tais to family and friends who need a respite from turkey.
The holidays are synonymous with parties, and some local families have created their own yearly events so distinctive and long-lived they have become traditions. Guest lists expand as friends are added, and the party evolves gradually--but the original intent of the event is never lost.
Five local hostesses talk about the origins of their traditional holiday parties, from a Christmas Eve open house for “orphans” to a New Year’s Eve party that has been going strong for 40 years. And although they may admit to an occasional twinge of exhaustion planning these fetes, all say they’ve never had the heart to skip even one year.
Kathie and Mike Gordon’s Christmas Eve open house was originally designed for “orphan” friends who had no traditional activities of their own that night. Co-owners of Toscana restaurant in Brentwood, the Gordons have woven an Italian theme over the years with lasagna and antipasto, although some things, such as serving turkey, haven’t changed . Kathie Gordon talks about the party’s origins:
“This party goes back about eight years. I’m Catholic, from the Midwest, and there were no real family traditions for me out here. Mike is from a Jewish family where Christmas wasn’t a big holiday, but there were family times. But he was divorced, so he was no longer part of a family. Together we decided to have a Christmas Eve open house that would satisfy our needs. Also, the thought was that we’d invite people like ourselves who didn’t have a place to be on Christmas Eve.
“The first year we did it--it was such a riot--even though I’m from a large family, I wasn’t used to entertaining large groups of people. My mother always did that. Mike said he knew a great Swedish deli, so we got meatballs and lingonberries. Then a friend of mine said, ‘This is not enough food, you’ve got to have a turkey and a ham.’ I thought she was crazy. Needless to say, she was right. Ever since then the turkey has become a key part, no matter what the overall food theme is. Mike now smokes the turkey himself.
“The first party there were probably no more than about 20 or 30 people, and they included people like my husband’s divorce attorney, who was also in the process of his own divorce, friends from the office and single people we both knew. We threw people together who didn’t know one another, but it was very social, with people sitting around the fireplace talking to each other.
“The core group of people has stayed the same over the years; we’ve just added to it.
“There’s always lots of conversation, lots of movement, and the decor is always very warm, with candlelight. And, needless to say, there’s food everywhere.
“We’ve pretty much stayed with the Swedish theme, but over the years one special thing we’ve added is Mike’s mother’s gravad lax. Then once we opened the restaurant, we switched to Italian food. We have an incredible array of antipasto-type dishes, and Mike makes his lasagna that isn’t served in the restaurant because it’s so labor-intensive, so people knock each other down to get to it.
“This year we’ll probably have 100 to 120 people over a four-hour period. After that we collapse.
“Some years the party feels a little less organized, or ‘done’ in a sense, but I’ve come not to worry myself. It’s better just to do it, no matter how I do it.”
Peter and Pam Mullin’s early Christmas party, held on the first Saturday in December, has grown considerably over the years . This year it moved to an airplane hangar to accommodate 500 guests. Peter Mullin, president and CEO of Management Compensation Group, and wife Pam hope they have passed along to their children the tradition of sharing the holidays with friends. Pam Mullin, a board member of DARE (the Drug Abuse Resistance Education program), discusses how the event has evolved:
“Our Christmas party has been such a tradition. We started out having it at home, then as it grew we tented the back yard, and then tented it a little bigger and then a little bigger, but we just couldn’t do it again this year.
“That’s why we moved it to an airplane hangar. But we reproduced the facade of our house on the outside of the hangar. They even lit the windows from the back. So for the people who said it’s not the same as having it at your home, we tried to bring the same warmth they feel at the house. I was going to move the furniture over, but then I thought that really is going a bit far.
“The party started when we lived in Bel-Air and Peter and I did the cooking for 50 friends. We always had it the first Saturday in December, and we did it because it’s been an early way to bring in the Christmas holidays.
“The next year we had 60 people and then it got to 80 and then 120. Now it’s 500. In just over 15 or 16 years, it’s just snowballed. We’ve had it every year, and never skipped a year, even six or seven years ago when I was huge with pregnancy.
“Another year we were remodeling our house and it was finished at 4 p.m. the afternoon of the party. Peter was standing on the terrace, and he was talking to someone and leaning his hand against the wall. When he finished the conversation, his hand was stuck to the paint.
“But the people we invite have to mean something special to us. Everybody has a special place in our hearts. This isn’t pay-back time.
“I think what the guests get out of the party is seeing people. Being raised in Europe, I think that Europeans have time for people, and I think sometimes here we don’t have time.”
Ellen and Berny Byrens’ New Year’s Eve open house has been going strong every year for 40 years. The couple (he’s a member of Lloyd’s of London, she’s chairwoman of the Beverly Hills Fine Art Commission) has an eclectic mix of friends . Although a few details have changed over the years, one thing hasn’t: the invitation, in the shape of a stop sign. Ellen Byrens talks more about the party:
“We have friends from many diverse groups, from all walks of life, all religious persuasions; political people, social people, and they don’t all do the same thing on New Year’s Eve. Some people who are going to a black-tie event come in black tie, some are going to an informal party. Some people have said to me that they come here, then they go home.
“The original incentive--and it hasn’t really changed--was that we have close friends that we really like to see on New Year’s Eve. With the open house we get to see all our friends, no matter where else they’re going that night.
“And people have a chance to see friends they haven’t seen all year. The number of people has grown somewhat--this year we’ll probably have about 200--but the people who were originally invited are still coming.
“Everything is decorated. I used to do it all myself, but now Flower Fashions does it for me. I use a lot of pine cones and red velvet. But I like each party to be different. This year, instead of using silver serving trays, everything will be served out of decorated baskets.
“I think that of all the parties we do, people seem to look forward to this one the most. There’s a certain amount of sentiment involved.
“It’s one of those things that nobody’s invited to to impress everyone, they’re just people that we really, really like, to whom we feel very close. You don’t see that often.
“The last guests usually leave by about 10, and then Berny and I leave here and have dinner at Jimmy’s (restaurant) with friends.”
Curt Tamkin, a real estate developer, and Priscilla Tamkin, a former libel lawyer and currently a vice chairwoman of the Greater Los Angeles Zoo Assn . , combine menorahs and mai tais for a holiday party that has been held on the second Saturday in December for more than a decade. Here, Priscilla Tamkin talks about combining old traditions with new ones to create their yearly celebration:
“This party was, in truth, part of my dowry. My mother in San Francisco has a black-tie Christmas Eve dinner that has been going on for nearly half a century. When I moved to Los Angeles in 1975, Christmas came with me. My husband is Jewish and had never had a Christmas tree in the house. He acquiesced, we bought a tree, threw a party, and have been at it ever since.
“After an initial stab at serving turkey and steak and kidney pie, we called Trader Vic’s and inquired, ‘Do you cater?’ The menu ever since has been mai tais, ribs and rumaki, crab cakes, champagne and bongo bongo soup. Our guests never want us to change the menu. If you’ve had enough turkey during the season, you’ll understand why.
“This is a party for people we like, sometimes people we’ve just met that we’d like to know better.
“If our party is a success, if it has become a tradition, it is because of our friends.”
Margo Leonetti O’Connell considers entertaining an art form, and she and her husband, Michael, a partner in the investment firm of Anhalt/O’Connell, have numerous parties throughout the year. One of the more special events is their pre-Christmas pasta party for friends and their children. Over the years, the children have grown and are now bringing their own children. But the chaos, says Margo O’Connell, a former businesswoman now involved in several community programs, is one thing that has remained. She recounts the origins of the evening:
“We started this party in 1976, and the thought behind it was to have a party with our friends and their children. We’d have a toy exchange for the kids and an ornament exchange for the adults.
“Now I serve pasta, but it used to be called spaghetti. I also have barbecued Italian sausages and peppers. It really is an old-time family type of party. And I still do paper plates. Someone said, ‘Margo, I can’t believe you’re still doing that.’ And I said, ‘This party started with little 5-year-olds.’ And now they’re older and bringing their children.
“I think everyone kind of expects the same thing. One friend makes a plum cake every year, someone else makes a persimmon cake, and everyone expects their routine. It’s so traditional you know what they menu’s going to be a year in advance. How many guarantees can you have like that?
“Everybody always sits on the floor. Now people get a little more elegant in the way they’re dressed, but they all end up on the floor. This is loud--funny loud, with kids running in and out of here, and it’s great.
“I love the chaos. I love people running up and down the halls. You don’t have to do anything, just get the dinner out, because everyone takes care of themselves. You really don’t have to introduce people, the kids will get together, and the ones who don’t know each other will work themselves in.
“And I enjoy it when people enjoy it. I do it for my pleasure, but it’s also for other people’s pleasure. I really am delighted when people say, ‘I love what you’ve done here.’ ”
