Trading Cards While Some Trade Bullets

Is it life that imitates art, or art that imitates life?

And what do you call it when war is reduced to a 2 1/2x3 1/2-inch baseball card?

And, to press the point, would you give me a Bill Mazeroski for a Norm Schwarzkopf (not to be confused with Norm Siebern)? How about a Camilo Pascual for a Colin Powell (not to be confused with Boog Powell)?

I know I’m confusing you, but it will all become clear soon.

Within a week or so, your favorite baseball card outlet may well be stocking the newest set of cards from the Topps Co., that pioneering firm in the baseball card business.

Freshly minted is an 88-card set bringing you-- ta-da --the Persian Gulf War. As if the war weren’t already accessible enough on TV or in the newspapers, now you can get it on a piece of cardboard the size of a baseball card.

The Persian Gulf collection will consist of 88 cards and 22 stickers that will be sold in packs costing 50 cents. Each pack will contain eight cards and a sticker. Topps is assuming that card dealers may put all 88 cards together in “sets” that are prized by collectors and sell them that way, according to a Topps spokesman.

The cards will include pictures of various weapons being used in the war, as well as bios on some of the central figures--such as President Bush, Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Powell and Gulf commander Schwarzkopf.

Timm Boyle, speaking for Topps, said of the new cards: “They do not in any way glamorize war and they don’t depict any horrible aspects of war. They’re an encyclopedic look at military operations currently going on in the Mideast and can be used as an educational tool.”

Boyle said he was hampered by not having seen any of the cards and said he didn’t know of any personal cards other than those planned for Bush, Powell and Schwarzkopf. But some of the cards will feature weapons and machinery used in the war, with full explanations of their functions on the back of the card, he said.

You can imagine upcoming father-and-son conversations:

Father: “OK, Johnny, what was Mickey Mantle’s batting average in 1958?”

Johnny: “Beats me, Dad, but did you know the M-1A1 tank has a 120-mm cannon and laser-equipped computer gun sight that fires an arrow-shaped metal dart designed to punch through any known tank armor at nearly 5,000 feet per second?”

Oh, well. Lots of people think Mickey Mantle’s batting average is useless information.

Wanting to be a good sport about things, I sallied out to the Baseball Card Baron shop in Anaheim. Card dealer Marc Lefkowitz didn’t get too worked up over the war cards, which he hadn’t heard about.

“I see it maybe as a gimmick. People initially will buy the product, but I don’t see any long-term investment potential. It’s not like with baseball personalities, where someone is a lot better than someone else or where things change because of statistics. Here, it’s a onetime thing, and when the war is over, people are going to want to forget about it.”

Ray Valenzuela is a 50-year-old card collector from Garden Grove, whose current goal is to fill out a set of hockey cards. He was in Lefkowitz’s shop Tuesday and said he’d consider buying the Gulf War cards as an investment.

“I might buy one only so I wouldn’t have to say later that I could have bought a set but didn’t. But I don’t think they’ll be red-hot, especially if the war ends soon.”

Isn’t it just a little tacky, I asked Valenzuela. “Yes,” he said, “because cards are fun. War is not fun.”

I don’t doubt that Topps will present its cards in a non-sensational manner. Lefkowitz went into a back room and pulled out some aging cards depicting American soldiers from wars of yore, as well as a large set of cards detailing World War II planes and weaponry. Just as the Topps spokesman said, the information on the back was straightforward and encyclopedic.

But call me old-fashioned. I’d rather go into a baseball-card shop and listen to a couple guys talking about the range of a shortstop and not the Stealth bomber.

Or, overhear conversations like one Tuesday at Lefkowitz’s shop, as three guys were poring over some baseball cards.

“Canseco’s already worth a hundred bucks?” one guy said, disbelievingly.

Somehow, hearing someone say, “Colin Powell’s already worth a hundred bucks?” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.