PARENTAL HEADACHE NO. 4 : Cranky Care-Giver Makes Kids Unhappy

Diana Statman of Marina del Rey was perfectly happy with the care her 3 1/2-year-old son, Alex, was getting at a small family day-care home in Venice. But she thought it might be nice for him to spend some additional time in the care of a woman who had been a teacher at several prestigious nursery schools and who had opened a 12-child facility in her home.

Statman didn’t get a good feeling on her first visit. She thought the children looked unhappy, but she decided maybe that was because it was the end of the day. She should have listened to her instincts: Alex hated the place.

“From Day 1 he hated it. He was crying about it; he didn’t want to go there. I thought, ‘Well, she has all these rules, and maybe he needs to learn to follow rules.’ That was the thing. There were rules about everything: ‘Wipe your feet.’ ‘Use a handkerchief.’ ‘Don’t spill these things unless you pick them up.’ But the kids were all dirty, all snotty noses, none of them very happy.

“The chemistry between her and Alex was terrible. She said, ‘Well, he confronts me.’ Finally, I talked to her about it and said, ‘I don’t know why, but Alex does not want to come here.’ And she said, ‘Yeah, he seems to be having a little problem with rules.’ ”

They also had problems over food. Statman said the care-giver had asked her to pack a sandwich for Alex’s lunch and said she would provide the rest of the meal and snacks.

“So fine, I made a sandwich every day. The next thing you know, she says, ‘Alex would really like a bigger lunch and more variety.’ So I said OK, and made a sandwich and packed chips and a dessert bar. Then she tells me: ‘You know, you give Alex too much stuff. . . . ‘

“So finally, I hated to bring him there because I had to talk to the woman. On our last day, when I picked Alex up, all of a sudden I heard this screaming. There was a boy of 7 rolling on the ground hysterically screaming, ‘I hurt my thumb!’ And she said, ‘Get a grip on yourself! You’re not hurt!’

“She was not a very happy woman, and they kids were not happy. I got out of there.”