Ship Boat People to Kuwait? Dornan’s Too Far Gone

On paper it must have looked like a stroke of genius. “Hey, guys, look at this one,” Bob Dornan probably said. “This is my best idea yet.”

At the very least, it had the makings of a great movie: “Nguyen of Arabia.”

The factors in the equation were these: (1) tens of thousands of Vietnamese are in refugee camps in Southeast Asia, and (2) Kuwait was sacked by Iraq during the Persian Gulf War and is, literally, being rebuilt.

That’s when the light went on in Congressman Dornan’s head. Sometimes the knottiest problems have the simplest solutions. Since the Kuwaitis have perfected the art of using immigrant labor, the match must have seemed like one made on “The Love Connection.”

“The Vietnamese refugees are people in need of a country,” Dornan wrote to the State Department in March. “Kuwait is a country in need of people. The law of supply and demand suggests a solution: Send Vietnamese boat people to help rebuild war-torn Kuwait.”

The party poopers over at the State Department didn’t like the idea and neither did refugee officials in Southeast Asia. Unfortunately, the only people who liked the idea were the refugees.

The thought of going to Kuwait, with its suggestion of Arab wealth and escape from Vietnam, apparently touched a nerve. Refugee camp officials in Hong Kong said the flow of immigrants from Vietnam, particularly the north, has sharply increased since Dornan’s idea was made public. The result has been that Vietnamese have swarmed into the refugee camps, causing even more serious overcrowding problems than before.

“The tragedy is that people arrive here and realize that it’s all absolute nonsense,” said Hong Kong’s refugee coordinator.

After the furor, Dornan told The Times this week that the idea was only a “speculative proposal” and that the last thing he wanted to do was create more crowding in the refugee camps.

I know Vietnam is no paradise, but Kuwait? Let’s hope Dornan never goes into the travel agency business. Or, who knows, maybe he’s selling Kuwaiti time-shares.

What a lovely place to start life anew, eh? Why not give the boat people the total luxury cruise package and have them stop off in cyclone-ravaged Bangladesh on the way, get out and stretch their legs and survey the landscape?

Maybe Dornan figured the Vietnamese, with their rich history of living under colonialism and repressive regimes, would find the feudalism of Kuwait to their liking. One would assume that Vietnamese refugees might have a bit of a rough go assimilating into Islamic culture, but nobody said being a refugee is easy.

I’m trying to picture how you’d make a sales pitch to get Vietnamese to relocate in Kuwait.

As each refugee boards the boat to begin the leisurely journey from Southeast Asia to the Persian Gulf, he or she could be handed a bound version of “Arabian Nights,” with its exotic stories of Aladdin and Scheherazade.

Then the captain would deliver his remarks:

“Welcome to Operation Start Over. Once we get to Kuwait, you might notice a bit of a problem with air quality. Actually, it’s not smog; it’s smoke. You probably weren’t told that, due to the recent unpleasantness with one of our neighbors, the country has roughly 450 oil wells still burning and doing irreparable harm to the environment. We suggest you keep your young ones indoors for the first two or three years of your new life in Kuwait.

“You also might notice some differences in people’s day-to-day living habits. For instance, everyone in Kuwait is armed. But don’t worry; they’re not mad at you. It’s just that the country is a little unstable these days. In fact, stick around long enough and perhaps you can join the revolution.

“Some of you might have heard it’s a tad warm in the desert. Rest assured it never gets over 120 degrees or so. But let me put your minds at ease. Just remember: It’s a dry heat.

“In summation, we’re glad you’ve taken Congressman Dornan up on his suggestion and we trust you’ll find war-torn Kuwait much more appealing than war-torn Vietnam. There’s nothing for you to do now but sit back and enjoy the trip and ponder the opportunities that await you in sunny Kuwait. And if there’s ever anything you need, just ask the Royal Family. They’ll be happy to help out.”