MAKING IT WORK : A Few Ways to Change Old-Fashioned Habits

If you’re a man whose traditional upbringing has begun to seem out of sync with the demands of a modern, dual-career marriage, it’s never too late to change, says Kristine Jablonski, who leads support groups for stressed-out working mothers.

Many men who once expected their wives to do it all have discovered that family life is richer when they’re more involved in day-to-day child rearing and housekeeping responsibilities, notes Jablonski, a Yorba Linda resident who has a master’s degree in psychiatric nursing.

She offers the following suggestions for men trying to let go of their old-fashioned ideas about male-female roles and step into the ‘90s:

* Examine your expectations of you and your wife, and negotiate with each other to determine who should do what.

* Don’t wait to be asked. Show as much initiative in getting things done around the house as you would at the office.

* Be gentle with yourself. You may make mistakes on tasks you’ve never done before, but you’ll improve with practice.

* Organize your time and set priorities.

* Remember that you’re doing your part to take care of your home and children--not just helping your wife with her responsibilities.

* Whenever possible, involve your children in household tasks so they will be raised with the expectation of doing their share, too.