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Just when you thought you were psychically set for the ‘90s--chart done, aura balanced, Tarot read, cholesterol down--we ask the critical question:

Have you and your home been feng shui-ed?

This Chinese art of “reading” a home to see if it’ll bring prosperity and harmony to its owners is alive and well in Southern California. According to local developers, much of the Asian population refuses to build (or buy) homes, businesses and housing developments without this spiritual insurance policy.

Although feng shui, which literally means “wind and water,” is partly dependent on principles of the I-Ching and Chinese astrology, don’t expect a feel-good session with a Topanga-esque character laden with crystals and New Age cassettes. Feng-shui master and practitioner Larry Sang showed up at our house wearing tortoise-shell rims and a neat bow tie. Methodically, he took a magnetic field measurement, noted the year of the house’s construction and our birth dates. And using a mathematical pattern of 27 numbers, he filled in a paper wheel labeled wood, fire, earth, metal, water. This became a numerological and elemental map of the house, with which he calculated the energy flow in each room.

While not a doomsayer, Sang is no raiser of false hopes. Our three-bedroom, two-bathroom house in Van Nuys rated a mere 65% for potential good health and prosperity. (A minor consolation--Sang’s own house is a 72%; he rarely gives ratings over 75%.) Although our house is free of 2-5 combinations (Pain and Accidents), the absence of a 7 at the entrance suggests that it’s not a particularly wealth-attracting house. My boyfriend and I are cyclic opposites: His orientation is northwesterly, mine southeasterly. This suggests, quite plausibly, that we’ll be sleeping at opposite ends of the house during times of stress.

To improve our fortunes, Sang suggested placing a metal statue by the fireplace, moving the TV, cutting down a large palm in front of the house and parking our cars on the street rather than in the driveway. All this would enhance the flow of positive energy. Sang did see a 4-4 (excellent for Career Advancement, Writing, Creativity) lurking in our southernmost quadrant, which, disappointingly enough, is the guest bathroom, not often frequented. The 8-9 in my office isn’t bad; it’s just that Fame and Fortune aren’t due to arrive there until the year 2003. “If you want your career to really improve during this decade,” he told me, “you might want to take your typewriter into the bathroom.”