Making It Work: Realistic Expectations Are the Key

Starting out with realistic expectations is one of the most important steps toward building a successful stepfamily, says Andrea Kaye, a Santa Ana marriage and family therapist.

It takes a lot of work--usually over a period of at least three to five years--to make a stepfamily feel like one, well-blended entity, says Kaye, who is a stepmother herself.

She offers the following suggestions to help stepfamilies grow closer:

* Let go of the past so you can focus on building a new life with your blended family.

* Allow children time alone with their stepparent as well as their biological parent so their bonds with both can be strengthened.

* Establish your own family rituals and traditions.

* Form a united front with your spouse so the children will see both their parent and stepparent as authority figures.

* Learn to negotiate and compromise, and if you’re having problems, remember you’re not alone. Many stepparenting support groups and workshops are available for those who need help.