MAKING IT WORK : Normal Treatment Essential to Chronically Ill Children

Children with chronic illnesses who are given more special attention than they need may end up building their whole identity around their disease, cautions Ruth Ann Graybill, a Fullerton marriage and family counselor.

Graybill, who contracted juvenile rheumatoid arthritis at age 9, says she’s grateful that her parents didn’t treat her as though she were fragile or different, even though her case was so severe that she spent almost a year in the hospital.

Graybill, who says her symptoms now are “moderate,” offers the following suggestions for parents of chronically ill children:

* Find people to whom you can express your feelings about the illness--including guilt--so you’ll be free to help your child deal with his or her physical and emotional pain.

* Help your child focus on strengths rather than disabilities.

* Talk openly with your child about the fact that he or she won’t always fit in and will have to struggle more than others for acceptance.

* Help your child come up with ways to answer those who ask about the illness, and suggest responding with a smile or “hello” when people stare.

* Encourage your child to talk about his or her pain with loved ones who understand, but discourage self-pity. It may help to point out that pain is a part of life that everyone experiences in one form or another.