He Won’t Forget; He Won’t Forget; He Won’t Forget

Under the heading, “Hey, Juice, why not lay the blame on the doorstep of a repressive, overly judgmental educational environment?” Simpsons Illustrated quotes O.J. Simpson on the subject of Matt Groening’s cartoon character, Bart Simpson.

“I totally enjoy the show,” the Juice said. “Especially the part at the beginning where Bart has to write on the blackboard.”

O.J. was asked if he could relate to that scene.

“Oh, yeah,” he said. “My mother had to come to school more than once. In fact, when I was about Bart’s age, I had my share of suspensions.”

Help! While interviewing Paul McCartney in London last week, Pat O’Brien of CBS received an unusual request from the former Beatle.

McCartney’s son wanted a pair of Air Jordan basketball shoes autographed by the man himself, Michael Jordan. Could O’Brien deliver?

After a series of phone calls, the request was relayed to Nike’s former basketball representative in Los Angeles, who had put together the Jordan-Nike deal that resulted in the Air Jordan line. The special order was quickly filled.

Trivia time: How many times did Babe Ruth hit 50 or more home runs?

Don’t invite this guy: Detroit’s Frank Tanana beat the Orioles, 7-1, Sunday in the final game at Baltimore’s Memorial Stadium. He also pitched the Tigers to a 16-0 victory over the White Sox in the first game at new Comiskey Park in Chicago.

And when the Seattle Mariners played host to the first game at the Kingdome in 1977? Why, they lost to the Angels--and Frank Tanana.

A scholarly note: The official motto of the Southland Conference, adopted by the league this year, is “Southland Conference: Students learning through competition,” which probably is better than “Just win, baby.”

What next? After the University of New Mexico football team started the season 0-4, Albuquerque disc jockey Mike Moloney called for an exorcism to rid the school’s University Stadium of evil spirits.

So, on the eve of the Lobos’ recent game against New Mexico State, Moloney, team radio announcer Mike Roberts and a self-proclaimed medicine man known as “Crazy Horse” conducted a ceremony that included hanging Coach Mike Sheppard’s favorite shirt and some Lobo jerseys on a three-pronged stick at midfield. Also, because the Lobos had been struggling inside the 25-yard line, the group spread garlic at both ends of the field.

The next day, the Lobos ended a 10-game losing streak by beating New Mexico State, 17-10.

Roberts brought the three-pronged stick with him when New Mexico played at Fresno State last Saturday, but apparently it takes a little stronger medicine to drive evil spirits out of Fresno. This time, the Lobos were skewered, 94-17.

On familiar turf: Rick Venturi was a loser Sunday in his first game as interim coach of the Indianapolis Colts, but he should be used to the experience. He was 1-31-1 as the coach at Northwestern from 1978 through ’80. On the bright side, students of Northwestern football recall that, under Venturi, the Wildcats defeated Wyoming and had a scoreless tie with Illinois.

And there is, in fact, a coach who had a worse winning percentage than Venturi at Northwestern--Lou Saban, who went 0-8-1 in 1955.

Trivia answer: Four.

Quotebook: Cornell football Coach Jim Hofner, on his team’s game against Stanford this Saturday: “I’m not sure it’s even David vs. Goliath. It’s more like David vs. Goliath’s big brother.”