MUSIC WRECK : Screeching Decibels : The three-piece guitar band out of Chicago has hit the road for a tour of the West Coast. It will be pulling in to Isla Vista.

Screech. Crash. Boom. Wreck. That’s one way, but here’s another: Drive to IslaVista. No screech. No crash. No boom. Fifteen bucks. Just Wreck. This Wreck is loud and it lasts longer. The only thing that could get hurt are your ears, but that’s why they make earplugs. And this Wreck has no effect on your insurance.

Wreck, a three-piece guitar band out of Chicago by way of Milwaukee, will play the Anaconda Theatre in Isla Vista this evening with the one and only Pigface, some sort of industrial super-group that will be concocting a veritable Super Bowl of noise.

Wreck is doing its first West Coast tour in support of its third release, “House of Boris,” brand new on Wax Trax Records. The major Wreckers include Dean Schlabowske who plays guitar and sings, Kurt Moore on bass, and Bart Flores who hits the drums. But why Wreck?

“The name came about a long time ago,” said Flores in a recent phone interview. “We were looking for a one-word title without a ‘the’ in it.”

All right, but who is Boris?

“The House of Boris is a beauty parlor on Ashland Avenue in Chicago. I don’t know if there’s really a Boris there or not, but it was absolutely something we couldn’t pass up. Check out the art on the CD; isn’t that great?”

Rock ‘n’ roll is often as predictable as “One, two, three o’clock, four o’clock rock.” It often begins when nerds who are routinely terrorized by the jocks in school decide to become rock stars.

After they form a band, everybody hates them. Next the band decides its hometown stinks because the band couldn’t possibly stink, so the members move somewhere very cool. Then they make demo tapes, get signed, tour, fight with the record company, then break up, move a hundred more times, then start the process all over. Wreck appears to be right on schedule.

“Dean and myself were in bands since we were 13 or so and spent about 10 years thrashing around the local scene. Step 1 was to get the hell out of Milwaukee. Milwaukee is a great place to raise kids, which about says it all.”

Flores said they moved to New York, which turned out to be a big mistake.

“We lasted there a few months, then moved to Chicago. Dean got a job working for Wax Trax doing shipping and production. We made a four-song demo and got signed to Play It Again Sam Records out of Belgium. They released our first EP, then our first album, ‘Soul Train.’ ”

Things with the record company went downhill from there, Flores said.

“They started sending us statements saying we owed them 30,000 bucks. So we took all 3,000 copies of our album, and now we sell them at our shows.”

Part of the rock ‘n’ roll grind is the tour. The fans show up on time, but the band is always late because rockers are cruising around from sea to shining sea without watches.

“We’ve got this great, big Ford-dad-and-the-kids-van with captain’s chairs and all sorts of lights inside that are there for no apparent reason,” Flores said. “We stop and go camping. This morning, we took a shower with the Army Corps of Engineers. Another day we had stir-fry by a river in Wyoming. It’s like this Stupid Family camping trip with this Stupid Family rock ‘n’ roll band.

“We’re not very serious about all this because playing in a rock ‘n’ roll band is basically a ridiculous thing to do.”

Rock ‘n’ roll is often as original and creative as Fidel Castro’s wardrobe. Everyone tries to sound like whoever is hot right now. For a while, everyone sounded like R.E.M. Now everyone sounds like Guns N’ Roses or the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Wreck doesn’t sound like any of these bands. They are just three guys who play loud and fast with no ballads.

“We grew up with the late ‘70s British punk rock scene--bands like the Buzzcocks and Gang of Four,” Flores said. “We like them, but we don’t want to sound like them. We pretty much stay away from the old rock and blues ethic. We don’t owe it all to Robert Johnson. That old stuff doesn’t factor at all into our music.

“Our music is loud, not unaccessible, but not run-of-the-mill, either. How we play is the important thing. We don’t want to play horribly, embarrass ourselves, then get beaten up by the locals.”

Another rock ‘n’ roll cliche is that most drummers are stuck for an answer when you say “Hello.”

“I don’t go in for that silent, stupid drummer bit,” Flores said. “Even though I get to hide behind all that stuff, drumming mistakes tend to be the most obvious. I’m into the business end of things, actually. Although Dean plays guitar and sings, the focus is naturally on him but no one takes a back seat in this band. The ego thing isn’t a problem for us. Everybody’s the manager, the bill collector and the screaming and yelling person. We’re not your standard rock ‘n’ roll dudes.”

* WHERE AND WHEN

Wreck and Pigface tonight at the Anaconda Theatre, 935 Embarcadero del Norte, Isla Vista, 8 p.m.; $15. For more information, call 685-3112.