The glamorous world of attorneys here, as...

The glamorous world of attorneys here, as dramatized in “L.A. Law,” apparently stops at the door to the L.A. district attorney’s office.

A recent fund-raiser that solicited bids from office employees for a lunch date with one of the prosecutors drew a top offer of $200 for lunch with those two well-known hunks, Dist. Atty. Ira Reiner and his chief deputy, Greg Thompson. (Cancel their reservation, would you, Wolfgang?)

The L.A. Daily Journal reports that while $2,176.13 was raised, “21 unnamed people failed to attract a single bidder.”

Guess we can forget about a spinoff show called “L.A. D.A.”

The good news: The L.A. Zoo is acquiring a Sumatran rhino.

The scary news: She’ll be occupying a compound that was built for Pygmy hippos.

We doubt that there’ll be much of an uproar over the $15,000 that the zoo has requested for “significant modifications,” including a plan “to construct a concrete wall” for “control purposes.”

“If Your Check Bounces You Could Be Arrested and Prosecuted,” says a sign in Santa Monica Superior Court.

Somebody put an asterisk next to it and scrawled this message below:

“Unless You Are a Congressperson.”

This week’s Unclear on the Concept Award:

Marla Sukstorf of West L.A. nominates a market that advertised a contest in UCLA’s Daily Bruin in which customers were invited to place their grocery receipt in an entry jar, making them eligible to be refunded the amount of their purchases.

The contest rules included this P.S.: “No purchase required.”

In response to queries by Bion LaShier of Hollywood and other readers, there is no “Nina” in the Laurel and Hardy commemorative stamp drawn by Al Hirschfeld.

“We got the word from Hirschfeld himself,” said postal spokesman David Mazer. The artist, you may recall, delights in sneaking the name of his daughter, Nina, into his works, including the other stamps he drew in the comics’ series.

To doubters who swear they spotted the name in Hardy’s bangs, Mazer adds: “I have a blowup of the stamp, 2 by 3 feet, in my office, and I can’t find it.”

Remember when banks offered potential customers higher interest rates, attractive checks and other incentives?

A Wells Fargo ad, coming after the announced proposed merger of Security Pacific and Bank of America, proclaimed: “If Your Bank Is Leaving You Behind, Climb Aboard Wells Fargo.”

Wells Fargo goes on to promise “a lasting relationship.”

In other words, the incentive in this recession seems to be that it’ll stay in business.

Joel Shapiro, who is running for the Manhattan Beach school board, has been absent from candidates’ gatherings. Yet his one comment to a local newspaper may win him votes from other would-be Super Dads and Super Moms.

Reached by telephone, Shapiro told the Easy Reader that he was unable to grant an interview because he was rushing out the door.

“They’ve made me a soccer commissioner,” he said, “and it’s driving me crazy.”

miscelLAny:

The title star of “King Kong” is remembered for his visit to the Empire State Building. But the scene where he breaks loose from his chains while on stage was filmed in the Shrine Auditorium.