Rams in ‘91: It Can’t Get Much Uglier, But Can Get Worse

This is Ram football, 1991: A kickoff is fumbled, in the Rams’ end zone, and the ball dribbles out to the two-yard line. Vernon Turner, the closest Ram to the ball, has but one option--fall on the damn thing--but he ad-libs a new one and rolls out of the end zone to grab the ball and then rolls back in. Safety first? No, safety, 49ers, and the Rams trail, 16-0, in the first quarter.

This is Ram football, 1991: Steve Bono, the San Francisco quarterback who is not Joe Montana, not Steve Young, not divorced from Cher and not the lead singer for U2, cannot be stopped in the first half. He completes 14 of his first 22 passes, he completes a 41-yard pass to Brent Jones, he completes a 78-yard pass to John Taylor, he completes 274 yards worth of passes in two quarters and the Rams trail, 30-3, at halftime.

This is Ram football, 1991: One homemade banner hangs in the second deck at Anaheim Stadium: “Magic, Buy The Rams!” Another sign, taped to the fence behind the south end zone, reads, “And Before Christmas, Fire Robinson.”

This is Ram football, 1991: A dumb blonde joke is passed throughout the press box. “How many blondes does it take to screw up a football team?” “One, if she owns it.”

This is Ram football, 1991: The Rams are beaten, 33-10, embarrassing themselves and ABC, who deemed this matchup worthy of its Monday night marquee, and John Robinson is asked, “What bearing does this game have on your future with the Rams?” Robinson stares straight ahead. “I’m going to pass on that question,” he replies. “That is not an appropriate question at this point in time.”

Once, Robinson would run with the ball. Now he passes. And throws incomplete.

Very likely, this game had everything to do with Robinson’s future with the Rams, as did the eight losses that preceded it.

Very likely, the Rams are playing themselves into a coaching change for the second time in two seasons--only this time, the crosshairs are positioned higher than the head of the defensive coordinator.

The Rams are 3-9. They have won more games than the Indianapolis Colts, the Cincinnati Bengals and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. That’s it. They have lost more games than the New England Patriots and the Cleveland Browns. They are tied with the San Diego Chargers.

The Rams have lost six games in a row, something they haven’t done in three decades, since 21965 when they finished 4-10. The franchise record, within the same season, is nine losses in a row, set during the franchise’s first season, in 1937, in Cleveland.

These Rams have a chance to break it.

If there’s another victory left on the Rams’ schedule, it can’t be seen from here.

Next up are the Washington Redskins, the recently removed-from-the-ranks-of-the-unbeaten Washington Redskins. The Redskins don’t lose two in a row. The Redskins won’t lose two in a row. In Robinson’s first season with the Rams, the Redskins beat him, 51-7. In what could be Robinson’s last season with the Rams, that score once more doesn’t look outrageous.

After that, it’s Atlanta. Atlanta is 7-5, suddenly in contention for the playoffs and still coached by Jerry Glanville. Last month in Atlanta, with the Rams still playing with spirit, the Rams lost, 31-14.

Finally, road games under the domes in Minnesota and Seattle. Both teams will probably need those wins for wild-card insurance. The Rams have won one road game this season. They haven’t won a dome game since November, 1989.

Five-and-11 in 1990 was as bad as it was going to get?

At the moment, 5-11 looks out of reach.

November has knocked the life out of this season, this team, maybe this head coach’s Anaheim career. The near misses against New Orleans and Kansas City were the kicks to the stomach, conclusive proof that, no, the breaks don’t always even out in the end. The Rams looked shellshocked in Detroit last week--three touchdown passes by Erik Kramer?--and Monday, they looked as listless and as clueless as any time since, when, the Harland Svare years?

Against a rare 49er team down on its luck, down to its third-string quarterback, the Rams managed three first downs in their first five possessions. By the time they crossed the San Francisco 45-yard line for the first time, with 20 seconds left in the first half, they were behind, 30-0.

“Obviously, we were overwhelmed in the first half,” Robinson said.

“They pretty much did what they wanted to,” Robinson said.

“We obviously are a team with some problems,” Robinson said. “We are obviously in a difficult place. Next week we have a chance to play a great team, no question, and I know that’s not a particularly appetizing menu for us right now.

“But this is kind of where we are. We dug ourselves a hole. Now we’ve got to dig ourselves out.”

But who’s going to man the shovels? Not Roman Phifer, who broke a leg on the opening kickoff Monday night. Not Jim Price, who broke a leg three quarters later. Not anyone in the Rams offensive backfield, who combined for 35 rushing yards against the 49ers, including nine courtesy of Jim Everett’s not-quite-as-happy feet.

No one in blue and gold is offering any answers, but the desperation of the Rams’ predicament rings with every other postgame question.

“Did the Rams quit tonight?”

Robinson insisted they hadn’t.

“Was that as embarrassing a first half as you can remember?”

Robinson said that “Ranking embarrassing first halves is not high on my agenda.”

The Rams would like to say that they’ve gone as low as low goes, that there’s nowhere to go but up, but that would be a lie.

It can get worse.

Very likely, it will get worse.

It can get so bad that the winningest coach in Ram history may now leave after possibly the worst Ram season in 30 years, whether it’s his decision or not.

And that is Ram football, 1991.