Ethical Wills Pass On Values and Traditions : Ideals: Documents can quote biblical passages, favorite sayings or even ask forgiveness. Two writers say the ancient Jewish practice can be applied to any faith.

In recent years, living wills have generated much discussion in the arena of biomedical ethics. Now, two authors are calling attention to ethical wills, an ancient Jewish tradition that allows people to pass on their deepest ideals to future generations.

“I have learned that if we don’t tell our children our stories and the stories of those from whom we come, no one else ever will,” said Rabbi Jack Reimer of Congregation Beth David of Miami.

Reimer, with Nathaniel Stampfer, professor of Jewish studies at Chicago’s Spertus College, wrote “So That Your Values Live On--Ethical Wills and How to Prepare Them,” published by Jewish Lights. The authors said the tradition dates to biblical times and is known in Christian and Muslim traditions as well.

While the book is written from a Jewish viewpoint, its principles can easily be adapted by people of other faiths.

The authors suggest that an ethical will might include such things as important lessons learned in life, some scriptural passages of particular significance, mistakes that the writer has made, and things for which the writer asks forgiveness.

One example of the last category, albeit from a work of fiction, is contained in a letter a father wrote to his son in the Navy in Herman Wouk’s 1951 novel, “The Caine Mutiny.” In the letter, the dying father confesses that “I’ve let slide my relationship with you, as I have so many other things, through plain sloth; particularly since your mother seemed anxious to take charge of you.”

Material in ethical wills can be personalized and strengthened through the use of words or expressions that have special meaning for a family, favorite sayings and anecdotes that illustrate particular points, proponents say.

Reimer and Stampfer suggest, among other things, that “if you have divided your goods among your survivors, you may want to explain to them the reasoning behind your distribution.”

“And if there is any more unfinished business between you and them, this is the time to resolve it and make peace.”

In the newly revised edition of the 1983 book, the authors have added an introduction explaining the value of writing ethical wills and a section on how to do it. As in the first edition, the book also contains examples of ethical wills written by people ranging from rabbis to Holocaust victims to noted humorists such as Sholom Aleichem and Sam Levenson.

Drawing on his experiences in teaching classes on ethical wills in synagogues, churches, colleges and high schools, Reimer said the practice can strengthen relationships between parents and heirs before the parents die. He told the story of parents who read a letter describing their values. Their children were surprised at how highly the parents valued certain things, and the parents were surprised to learn that their children did not know how strongly they felt about those things, Reimer said.

Despite the benefits, many people are reluctant to write ethical wills, Reimer said. He attributes this to three problems. First, writing a will, particularly one that forces a person to confront deep values in life, requires “coming to terms with one’s own mortality.” Also, to write an ethical will requires an ability to articulate convictions about values. And, he added, it calls for some knowledge of Jewish tradition.

Some of the ethical wills included in the book also illustrate the variety of material that may be included in such a document.

In a letter that Benjamin M. Roth of Wurttemberg, Germany, wrote to his son Solomon in 1854 just before Solomon left for the United States, the father advised, among other things, that “much as I must criticize the excessive reading of novels, which damages one’s sensibilities and the heart, and makes one weak and womanlike, if time must be killed which could be used for so many pleasant and useful occupations, such reading is preferable to gambling.”

A more contemporary example is an ethical will written by Randee Friedman, founder of a company in San Diego called Sounds Write Productions, which commissions Jewish music and produces it on cassettes.

Friedman advises her children and grandchildren to “choose a rabbi with empathy, compassion and a sense of humor--remember she or he is a spiritual leader, not a performer.”