The Soggy Envelope, Please . . .

You see them. You hear them. They make you laugh so gosh-darned hard that your pants fall off. You know who these incredible humorists are. They’re television’s giants of jocularity, local newscasting’s luminaries of laughter. They’re L.A.’s . . .

Weathercomics.

This weather buffoonery is no new trend. An early weathercaster in Kansas City used to wow viewers by shrewdly writing his name backward. Another weathercaster in New York, starring in a pioneering “happy talk” newscast, was so funny that he made an on-air joke about rape. It cost him his job. And, of course, Willard Scott will even cross-dress to get a laugh on NBC’s “Today” program.

Los Angeles, where the usually sweet climate makes weathercasting about as essential as the vice president, has its own tradition of weathercasters who use various means to circumvent the humdrum of forecasting here. There were times when the legendary “Dr. George” Fischbeck got so carried away with his eccentric performing that he forgot to give the forecast on “Eyewitness News,” and former weathercaster Pat Sajak wisecracked at the drop of a raindrop on KNBC-TV Channel 4.

That’s history, however. Today, Los Angeles has a new generation of exquisite farceurs working the airwaves. Who are these whales of wit and how do they rank comedy-wise?

Here, for the first time, is local weathercasting’s Top 10 Gagsters. The competition for this honor among these full-time weathercasters was furious. Some hard decisions had to be made. Because weathercasting is a sidelight to her anchoring, for example, KTLA Channel 5’s Jann (“We could see more rain in April”) Carl could not be considered, a decision that likely shattered her.

Los Angeles has a plethora of full-time weathercasters. Take the Top 10 Gagsters.

Please.

10. Maclovio Perez, KCBS-TV Channel 2.

Strengths: Frequent chuckler.

Weaknesses: No visible personality.

Recent outrageous quote: “Yes, indeed!”

Judges’ comments: Can’t joke. Can’t quip. Needs a gimmick. Although insistence on doing the weather straight makes him a liability, a survivor.

9. Dallas Raines, KABC-TV Channel 7.

Strengths: Meteorological name. Visual comedy. Highly amusing perpetual tan and coif that hasn’t moved in months.

Weaknesses: Lacks verbal wit to match sight gags.

Recent outrageous quote: “Humidity is pretty high.”

Judges’ comments: Hair and humor inseparable.

8. Carl Bell, KCAL-TV Channel 9.

Strengths: Iron man quipster, working 7-10 bloc nightly.

Weaknesses: Body language.

Recent outrageous quote: “Let’s talk about sports, forget weather.”

Judges’ comments: Slashing wit, but may burn out.

7. Christopher Nance, Channel 4.

Strengths: Gangly. Nincompoopy. Funny voice. Frequently wears flower in lapel.

Weaknesses: Occasionally lets weathercasting interfere with joking.

Recent outrageous quote: “High pressure dominating the eastern seaboard.”

Judges’ comments: Has all the tools. Nearly ready for stand-up.

6. Johnny Mountain, Channel 7.

Strengths: Although lost a step, can still wisecrack and make funny faces with anyone. Pugnacious. Unembarrassed by corn (his own).

Weaknesses: Increased wisecracking lapses, as in recently producing a “weather rock” and saying, “If it’s yellow, the dog got too close.”

Recent outrageous quote: “They say butterflies are free. They are also messy.”

Judges’ comments: A beloved veteran who may have seen best days. Possibly could revive career by working with cigar and diamond on pinky.

5. Steve Rambo, Channel 2.

Strengths: Mobility. Extremely funny forecasting from Channel 2 rooftop. In bad weather, works from spot in newsroom hilariously titled “Action News Storm Center.”

Weaknesses: Sometimes tries too hard.

Recent outrageous quote: “Keep your sunglasses on standby.”

Judges’ comments: Works hard. Real comer.

4. Renee Hambley, KCOP-TV Channel 13.

Strengths: Big glasses. Jovial.

Weaknesses: Needs to forecast from rooftop.

Recent outrageous quote: “Air quality will be good in Big Bear--big deal!”

Judges’ comments: A few more one-liners and could challenge leaders.

3. Mark Thompson, KTTV-TV Channel 11.

Strengths: Big voice. Big gimmick (“Mark Thompson’s Neighborhood Watch”) in forecasting from different areas of city. Big sense of humor.

Weaknesses: None glaring.

Recent outrageous quote: “It looks like rain.”

Judges’ comments: Right gags for the right gig. On verge of greatness.

2. Fritz Coleman, KNBC Channel 4.

Strengths: Professional training as comic. Amazing versatility. Can crack jokes anywhere, anytime or, if occasion demands, can give forecast. Superb quipping with anchors. Master of body language.

Weaknesses: Occasionally too hip for the room.

Recent outrageous quote: “It gets very warm inland in the deserts.”

Judges’ comments: Legend in his time.

1. Mark Kriski, KTLA-TV Channel 5.

Strengths: Weathercaster for all seasons. Brilliant ad-libber. Astonishing versatility as comedy headliner on feisty two-hour KTLA morning news program. Can forecast with humor from anywhere in the city and does, most recently from a dentist’s chair. Also was hilarious when forecasting while getting haircut. Unencumbered by knowledge of meteorology or the weather.

Weaknesses: None.

Recent outrageous quote: Too many to note.

Judges’ comments: A colossus.

“I’m speechless,” said the Canadian Kriski, 35, when notified by phone that he had been named the funniest TV weathercaster in Los Angeles. He was obviously moved. “Thank you,” he added with refreshing humility.

Kriski, who regularly chides other TV weathercasters on the air, said his favorite forecast is the one he did while making breakfast at a Denny’s restaurant.

Relatively new to the city, Kriski said his heroes have become Nance and Raines, whose tan and hair he considers awesome. “And I aspire to be able to afford Fritz Coleman’s glasses,” he said.

Will this kind of driving ambition get the better of Kriski? And will he buckle under the pressure of living up to his important new title as L.A.’s funniest weathercaster? Stay tuned for the forecast.