COMMENTARY : Words of Wisdom While Waiting

Random remarks and opinions while waiting for the New Jersey Nets to fire Bill Fitch and hire a coach Derrick Coleman might actually pay attention to (no, not Jim Boeheim):

--Wouldn’t it be great if the Earth were flat, just for a day, so all those America’s Cup boats could sail off it and never be heard from again?

--One of the best things about having the Hartford Whalers-Montreal Canadiens series go seven games was having four occasions to hear Andre Ouellet sing “O Canada” at the Forum. If that didn’t make you want to apply for dual citizenship, nothing would.

--The Kentucky Derby proved Arazi is like France--overrated.

--Sign my petition to send Mike Tyson a punching bag in prison. How about John McNamara?

--If Matt Young weren’t real, Stephen King would have to invent him.

--John Cullen has a lot of growing up to do.

--We know George Bush played first base at Yale, but did he ever study ethics?

--Are you sure we can’t drown everyone involved in the America’s Cup?

--It’s good that the Big East is being forced to abandon the six-foul rule and play with five, like everyone else in college basketball. How could they continue to allow their players the luxury of six fouls all season and be stupid enough to think it wouldn’t mess them up in the NCAA Tournament, where five means disqualification?

Maybe if Scott Burrell had been forced to play more cautiously during the regular season, he wouldn’t have fouled out against Ohio State, thereby wiping out any chance of a UConn comeback.

--Think of all the endorsement money Bo Jackson cost Deion Sanders by getting there first.

--Hubie Brown is the best basketball analyst in the world.

--But he and Jimmy Rodgers should do something about their permed, iron-gray hair. Makes ‘em look 100 years old.

--If the Celtics do too well without him in the playoffs, Larry Bird might decide they don’t need him and retire. Don’t do it, Larry.

--That the Pirates seem to have survived the losses of free agent Bobby Bonilla and 20-game winner John Smiley is beyond impressive. If they lose Barry Bonds to free agency in the off-season, as they are expected to, and somehow manage to stay in first place, we will be witnessing a miracle.

--People who criticize the New York Giants for ignoring other needs by drafting tight ends in the first two rounds are missing the point: As long as Jeff Hostetler is the quarterback, the Giants could use about six tight ends. Hoss can’t reach his wide receivers unless he sends a candygram.