To: All members of HUAC (the Harassment...

To: All members of HUAC (the Harassment of Uppity Artists Council):

Subject: The 18th Street Arts Complex Open House and Pico Neighborhood Arts Festival, today from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. at 1639 18th St., Santa Monica (free admission).

Once again, dear friends, the specter of uncontrolled art is rearing its ugly head.

At this time, you’d think, another call to arms shouldn’t be necessary. Godless Communism has fallen. We’re winning in the polls and on the Supreme Court. We’ve cowed the NEA into submission. We’ve made ignorance of--if not downright hostility toward--the avant-garde a requirement for any policy-making position. In addition, I’m pleased to report that, thanks to the White House-Vatican connection recently disclosed in the news media, plans for the canonization of Norman Rockwell are proceeding apace.

You’d think good, decent people would be satisfied with paintings of tousle-haired boys with bandaged knees and lovable mutts with a black spot over one eye (and I don’t mean Spuds McKenzie, either). With a few Old Masters and Impressionists thrown in.

And they are satisfied. Take my word for it. They are. It’s the bad, indecent people who never let well enough alone.

Look at these excerpts from the Pico festival schedule:

The Open House . . . will provide visitors with the opportunity to see working artists in action in their studios and artspaces. What kind of action, I leave it up to you to imagine.

“Invasion in Panama”--a showing of the new documentary by The Empowerment Project. Just because flag burning is legal, they think they can get away with anything.

“I Can’t Pay the Rent” by the Cornerstone Theater Company. A crowd-pleasing participation theater piece. Sure, for a crowd of homeless deadbeats.

Virginia Avenue Project--theater improvisation workshop for kids. Children shouldn’t improvise; they should do as they’re told.

The Drawing Room showing the wildest and most adventurous of their art explorations. Why don’t they just say nude?

The Free Idea Zone. . . .

Enough! As much as I hate to disturb the tranquillity of your country-club grills and your trailer parks, I’m asking you to mobilize again, hit those phone banks, send money, write your representatives in Congress.

Me? I’ll be down at 18th Street--to register my disapproval, of course; to uphold traditional standards and values. While I check out what’s going on.