A Realtor’s Reality

Lindsey Stokes’ “Challenges That Go With House Hunting” (June 7) prompts me to write the following open letter:

Dear Lindsey and Husband,

I, like your mother am a real estate agent. I am hard-working and, according to your article, unusual. Therefore, I am sure that I can assist you in attaining your goals.

First we have to sell your condo so that we can negotiate from a position of strength. To that purpose, I have written the following ad: “For sale: Condo. Owner keeps two large dogs in what seems like 100 square feet. No yard.” I am sure that we will have immediate and effective response to that ad and in no time flat we will be able to view property to find your dream home.

Somehow I missed attending the “Demolition Derby School of Driving” I haven’t had a traffic ticket since 1971. This is no small miracle since I often attend the “Distraction Derby Driving School” when I put clients in my car.

Before we actually view property, I have set a few rules from past experience.

1. When we set an appointment I will be there. Please at least call me if you are going to be late or if you decide to bathe the dogs instead.

2. Please tell me more about your dream home than what you learned at the “How to Buy Real Estate 20% to 30% Below Market With No Money Down And Get Rich” seminar on late night television last night.

3. Do not have me spend hours researching, previewing and showing you property only to have your cousin who manages a fast-food drive-thru, but still has an active real estate license, write the offer for you.

4. Please do not bring your small dog, who is not house-broken, with you because you want to make sure he likes the yard.

5. Please do not let your children smear chocolate nor draw pictures with crayon, lipstick, chalk or permanent marker on my upholstery.

6. Please do not allow your children to kick the back of my seat or open the car door while the vehicle is in motion.

7. Please remember that if you wait to sell at the top of the market and buy at the bottom, you will not be moving until you enter the dead market (Forest Lawn).

I, like most of my profession, am honest, reliable and very patient. Most of my clients do not need these rules. They are anxious but wonderful people. How can I do this for a living? What could be more satisfying than being a part of someone attaining “The American Dream”? There is no smugness in that, only a deep pleasure in handing a new owner the keys.

VICKI BOISELLE

Granada Hills