Through Thick and Thin

I DON’T CARE HOW MANY MALLS YOU’VE BEEN SPOTTED AT, YOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A FASHION TREND: First there was the Elvis stamp contest--the young, studly Elvis versus the bloated, old king of rock ‘n’ roll.

If you forgot to notify the postal authorities of your choice, it’s not too late. You can still cast a vote, thanks to Ralph Marlin & Co., the tie firm known for the world’s ugliest neckwear. (Remember those hideous ties of the mid ‘80s that let guys go to work with wide-mouth bass hanging on their chests?)

Before the Elvis stamp contest was launched, Marlin founder Mark Abramoff presciently paid the Presley estate for the rights to market both young Elvis and old Elvis neckties ($19.99 each at The Final Touch in Westside Pavilion, Beverly Center and Northridge Fashion Center).

He reports that the sales race between the two “is really close. Actually, the young Elvis was real strong out of the gate, but the older, Vegas Elvis has caught up.” Ain’t nothin’ like a silly necktie to set off that pair of blue suede shoes.

SICK OF THOSE BASEBALL CAPS WITH INITIALS ADVERTISING THE LATEST CAUSE?: Cap collectors with a philosophical bent might like the latest from the Objects by Design catalogue. The cap has no political implication, as in Spike Lee’s X cap, and no cute-but-tough feminist stuff, like the W cap, which promotes Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ book, “Women Who Run With Wolves” (the W is for wild and on the back it says “friendly but not tame”).

The existential baseball cap comes in green and bears a yellow question mark. Don’t look for any flippant explanation on the back, like “I don’t think therefore I am not.”

The $17.50 cap is available by calling (800) 872-7501. Ask for item J20014 and be sure to request a copy of the free catalogue. It’s full of mind-teasing whimsies to wear or display in your home.

MALLSPEAK OF THE WEEK: “A closet is a terrible thing to waste. But before you squander valuable therapy time on this dilemma, think of Beverly Center . . . “