Father Files Suit Over Son’s Grave Marker : Courts: He wants references to AIDS removed. Gays say the legal action violates the dead man’s explicit instructions.

In death, as in life, gay activist George Lawrence wanted the world to be well aware of his sexual orientation.

“AIDS is a hard disease to die from, but I rejoice in knowing that my friends will carry on against AIDS and gay oppression,” reads the two-foot-wide bronze headstone on Lawrence’s grave in Forest Lawn Memorial-Park in Glendale.

Before his death in 1991, friends said, Lawrence, 41, drew up elaborate instructions, specifying exactly what he wanted on the headstone. His friends said they made sure his wishes were followed to the letter.

But the message--which includes thanks to Lawrence’s “beloved spouse, Gus,” who is buried in an adjoining grave--has upset Lawrence’s father, Alexander, who has filed suit demanding that Forest Lawn change the inscription to eliminate any references to AIDS.

In his petition, filed in Glendale Superior Court, the elder Lawrence said he wants his name put on the plaque. A hearing is scheduled for today.

The suit has angered the younger Lawrence’s friends and some members of the gay community, who say it is a shocking example of the prejudice and intolerance that homosexuals still face--at times even from their own parents.

Many are writing letters to the court, stating that the inscription was written in accordance with the dead man’s wishes and should be left as it stands.

Alberto Valdivia, a close friend of George Lawrence and executor of his estate, is also fighting the suit.

“If we cannot live without complete, total freedom, then we should be able to die as we want,” said Valdivia, who arranged for Lawrence’s headstone.

Eric Toro, another friend who has written the court, said: “It’s demeaning. (George Lawrence) died of AIDS pure and simple. What is the great fear of mentioning this reality of our life?”

Alexander Lawrence was advised by his lawyer not to comment on the pending court action.

But the attorney, John Gantus, said: “My mother died of a heart attack. I didn’t put on her plaque that she died of a heart attack--it doesn’t need to have that detailed an explanation.

“We have to allow people to grieve in their own privacy.”

Forest Lawn officials--named as the defendants in the suit-- have chosen not to take a position in the emotional fight. Instead, a spokesman said, the cemetery will follow the court’s decision. “We have compassion for both sides in this,” said Ted Brandt, vice president of communications for Forest Lawn. “We’re anxious to get advice from the court.”

During his life, friends said, George Lawrence was actively involved in issues of concern to the gay community. In the 1970s, he was a leader of The Advocate Experience, an organization that offered “self-dignity” workshops to help gay people “cope in a very hostile environment,” Valdivia said.

Lawrence and his longtime companion, Gus DiClairo, were the co-owners of Uptown Properties, a Highland Park real estate firm that emphasizes historic preservation. The men also helped found the Uptown Gay and Lesbian Alliance to bring together gays in Highland Park and Mt. Washington.

“George was a very militant gay person,” said Toro, who inherited Uptown Properties after DiClairo died last December. “He wanted to make a political statement until the end.”

Friends said Lawrence’s activism strained his relationship with his father, who they said had a hard time accepting his son’s sexual identity.

To Valdivia, the elder Lawrence’s request reflects his desire to “erase all memory of his son as he was, and create a new person so he can imagine his son as he wished.”

But Gantus said the direct references to George Lawrence’s sexuality on the plaque have no bearing in the father’s request.

“This man was devoted to his son, notwithstanding what you might hear,” the lawyer said. “This man loved his son dearly and was not in the least concerned with his son’s sexuality. What concerned him was the wrongs that he thought were done to him after his son’s death.”

Gantus declined to elaborate.

Alexander Lawrence’s petition states that the headstone was designed by DiClairo, “who had a personal dislike” for the elder Lawrence. The petition adds that the plaque “does not reflect the true intentions and desires of the decedent.”

However, attorney David G. Maseredjian, who is representing Lawrence’s estate, said the dead man’s wishes were “well known” to Valdivia, who arranged for the headstone after DiClairo’s death.

Valdivia said the inscription is “a direct quote” from instructions George Lawrence left behind.

In a note he left behind, George Lawrence wrote:

“Someday, this tombstone/tablet will be considered a historic relic of a time long ago when AIDS and hate against us was truly a thing of the past.”