Easing a Child’s Bereavement

Bereavement is not for adults only. One out of 20 American children below the age of 15 suffers the loss of a parent, and many more undergo other painful if less devastating experiences, from the deaths of grandparents and beloved pets to having best friends move away.

According to the researchers who conducted the Child Bereavement Study at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, adults must allow children to express grief in their own way and time.

Over four years, the Massachusetts General team surveyed 125 children who had lost a parent; each child was interviewed with the surviving parent four months after the death and then one year and two years later.

“We found that the majority of these children manage very well,” says Dr. Phyllis Silverman, a professor of human behavior at Massachusetts General’s Institute of Health Professions, “but about 20% may be at risk for behavioral and emotional problems during the first year following the parent’s death.”

The bereavement study revealed some important ways in which loved ones can help grief-stricken children cope. For example, saving an object that had belonged to the deceased is a healthy response that encourages the child to maintain an emotional connection. And because kids need to talk about their loss too, adults should let them know that discussing the deceased is OK.

While all youngsters need time to adjust following a loss, the interval varies. If after six months a child won’t go to school, experiences a drop in grades, has trouble sleeping and eating or becomes withdrawn, it is time for the family to seek help. A guidance counselor or a support group for widowed parents is a good place to start.