Disseminator of Tongue in Cheek Compares Elvis and Jesus Christ

Today’s text is “The Two Kings.”

It comes to us from Bob Davidson of La Jolla. A lot of weird things have come to us recently from Bob Davidson of La Jolla.

He’s 38 and runs European Heritage at Seaport Village, a shop specializing in tracing family histories and coats of arms. That’s how he pays the bills.

What he does for mischief is the Bob-War Post (Bob-War is taken from the Texan pronunciation of barbed wire), a twice-monthly gaggle of news ticklers that he faxes to an unsuspecting public.

The Bob-War Post disseminates those 1-inch news stories that provide a garnish of bizarre to the grim-and-serious menu of life: nude bicyclists, wives shooting their husbands at wedding receptions, Mr. Magoo replacing Superman at DC Comics, etc.

Davidson has also written-compiled “The Bullwinkle File: More Than Just a Moose,” the ultimate source volume on the “Rocky & His Friends” cartoon show.

“I thought it would be the ideal coffee table book for the thinking man who watches cartoons,” he says. “The publishing world had other ideas.”

His Bob-War stuff has been picked up by CNN and Comedy Central. He shows up for an interview wearing a Leningrad Yacht Club polo shirt.

He likes to collect oxymorons, viz: paying guests, plastic silverware, occasional irregularity, fun run, British cuisine and meaningful downturn.

This week’s Bob-War compares Jesus and Elvis. Davidson says he got it from a friend who got it at Solar Turbine. (For textual purists, yes, I know that other versions are extant.)

A selection from “The Two Kings”:

* Jesus said, “Love thy neighbor.”

Elvis said, “Don’t be cruel.”

* Jesus is the Lord’s shepherd.

Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.

* Jesus is part of a trinity.

Elvis’ first band was a trio.

* Jesus walked on water.

Elvis surfed in “Blue Hawaii.”

* Jesus, according to the Bible, “was like lightning and his raiment (was) white as snow.”

Elvis wore a lightning bolt and snow-white jumpsuit.

* Jesus is a Capricorn.

Elvis is a Capricorn.

* Jesus was a carpenter.

Elvis took wood shop in high school.

* Jesus wore a purple robe.

Elvis drove a pink Cadillac.

* Jesus was resurrected.

Elvis had a famous TV comeback special in 1968.

* Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights.

Elvis had irregular eating habits.

* Mary, a major woman in Jesus’ life, had an Immaculate Conception.

Priscilla, a major woman in Elvis’ life, went to Immaculate Conception High School.

* Jesus’ entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.

Elvis’ entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.

Davidson would like to find people willing to pay to receive Bob-War (P.O. Box 12185, La Jolla). He’s found that comedy is an adventure, not just a job.

“I’m hell-bent on getting the humorous edge out there,” he explains (sort of).

Sic Transit Gloria

Things happen.

* Michael Shames, executive director of the Utility Consumers Action Network, was flattered when a local newspaper reporter called up and wanted to ask him some questions because “you’re the recognized expert on the cable television bill” in Congress.

He was less flattered at the end of the interview when the reporter asked, “What did you say your name was?”

Says Shames, “Fame is fleeting.”

* The Republican office in San Diego has put out an invitation to watch tonight’s TV debate: “See President Bush Take on Bill ‘Back in the U.S.S.R.’ Clinton.”

The Democratic office in San Diego is holding a party for the Gore-Quayle debate Tuesday and promising to serve fried potato(e) skins as munchies.

* Mayoral candidate Susan Golding is doing a (passable) imitation of Ross Perot’s Texas twang.

She likes Perot’s line about professional economists not knowing much about solving real-life problems. It brings down the house every time.

(Golding’s opponent, Peter Navarro, is a professional economist. But you already knew that.)

Tony Perry’s column also appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He can be reached at 544-6032.