Green Counsels Counselors: Physicians, Heal Yourselves

Mike Kiley of the Chicago Tribune writing on the Edmonton Oilers:

“The Oilers have a team psychologist, but Coach Ted Green isn’t very enamored of the profession. No head doctor is going to tell him why his players couldn’t play well enough to make the playoffs.

“ ‘I think it’s about time psychologists who think they have all the answers lie down on their own couch a half-hour a day,’ ” Green said. “ ‘I think it’s ostentatiously pedantic to think they can solve my problems with mental telepathy.’

“ ‘Tell those guys to keep playing with their Ouija boards.’ ”

Trivia time: What is the longest golf hole in the world?

Shoeless: Dennis Rodman of the Detroit Pistons has made a habit of removing his shoes when he’s not in the game.

But Rodman outdid himself recently when he came out of a game, took off his shoes, autographed them and handed them to a fan, even though the game was still in progress.

Walkman: Pittsburgh’s Tim Wakefield is the only pitcher to have walked nine batters in a game this season. He has done it twice--and won both games.

Philadelphia phlakes: Bob Verdi, writing on the Phillies in the Sporting News:

“ ‘We’re all crazy,’ ” says relief pitcher Mitch Williams, an authority on the subject. The elevator hasn’t stopped on his floor for years, but now he has company.”

Add Phillies: John Kruk on teammate Mark Davis: “He can pitch when he’s relaxed, and he’ll be happy and relaxed here. If he isn’t, we’ll kill him.”

Old boys’ network: What are the chances of a woman becoming the next baseball commissioner?

Bill Bartholomay, chairman of the commissioner’s search committee, told Jerome Holtzman of the Chicago Tribune: “I seriously doubt that a female would be chosen. More than likely a woman will have to be elected president of the good ol’ USA before we have a lady czar.”

Looking back: On April 28, 1961, five days after his 40th birthday, Warren Spahn of the Milwaukee Braves pitched a no-hitter against the San Francisco Giants for a 1-0 victory.

Always a foursome: Atlanta’s five starting pitchers play golf nearly every day on the road, but there are some ground rules.

“Whoever is pitching that day doesn’t golf,” Tom Glavine said. “And we play as much as we can.”

Gourmand: From “Baseball Quotations:” Former Dodger Rick Monday on Tom Lasorda: “Tommy is the only manager in the major leagues who uses a fork for a letter opener.”

Trivia answer: It’s the par-seven of the Sano course at the Satuki Country Club in Japan, which measures 909 yards, according to “The Guinness Book of World Records.”

Quotebook: Seattle SuperSonic Coach George Karl on the New York Knicks: “The Knicks cheat. They’ve cheated all year. It’s an old philosophy they’ve used this season--foul so much the referees get tired of calling it.”