Rearing of Business Stars: How Does a Mother Do It?

It all started with a mom.

Before the entry-level positions or the corporate ladder, company presidents, popular restaurateurs, physicians and bank officers answered to the universal chief executive--a mother.

What went right? How did these mothers mold such successful offspring? On this Mother’s Day, the first supervisors of more than a dozen local business leaders share their philosophies on parenthood.

Some say they were strict. Others gave their children a lot of leeway. But all stressed their involvement in a child’s school and social life, encouragement at every turn and unconditional love.

Nita Gore, 72, a homemaker in Muskogee, Okla., mother of Aliso Viejo home builder Kathryn Thompson, 52:

“I encouraged Kathryn constantly. I told her she could accomplish whatever she made up her mind to do, but she would have to work 10 times harder than a man, which she has. She’s made all of my dreams come true.

I could tell she was going to be successful early on. She always made good grades--she only made one B, in PE (physical education). She was on the drill team in high school, she was class secretary, she was voted Miss Flame by the Dallas Fire Department when she was 16.

She’s a real busy girl, but she still calls me three times a week. Kathryn sent me a Mother’s Day card two weeks in advance. I couldn’t ask for a better daughter.”

Eleanor Hoops, 71, a homemaker in Laguna Hills, mother of Alan Hoops, 45, president and chief executive officer of Cypress-based health-care provider PacifiCare Health Systems:

“Back when I had children, we didn’t discuss child-rearing much--we just did it. I was always there for my two boys, always involved, always supportive. I don’t mean to imply that working mothers shouldn’t work because I realize the world has changed over the years. Things were simpler then.

Alan was always ambitious. In sixth grade, he was president of his class. He was very popular with the girls. Even in grade school he had girls calling the house, which I wasn’t very happy about.

Both my boys have been very special. Talking about them right now makes me feel all the more grateful.”

Alice Deans, 80, a retired nurse in Detroit, mother of Aaron Lovejoy, 53, president of software maker Ultratech Resources in Santa Ana and president of the Black Chamber of Commerce in Orange County:

“Aaron loved school. Whenever he stayed home with one of those childhood diseases, he’d say, ‘I wonder what the teachers think about me not being there.’

I just knew he would make it, with my instruction. I guess you could say I was strict, but not in a mean way. I was strict in instilling values in my children. One time Aaron vacuumed a lady’s house to make a little money. I said, ‘If you see even a penny on the floor, you pick that penny up and leave it on the table.’

He has always been very good to me. I love him to death. Before he went to college he worked for a year at Sears in Chicago, and he bought me a suit with his first paycheck. He’s a very thoughtful, reliable person.”

Shirley Bening, 64, a homemaker in San Diego, mother of Newport Beach gynecologist Jane Bening, 39, and actress Annette Bening, 35:

“I was not a heavy-handed mother. The only hard-and-fast rule we ever made was that if one of our kids got a speeding ticket, they couldn’t drive the car for six months. Somehow, rules just didn’t strike me as very interesting.

When my children were teen-agers, I often wished I had the kind of kids who always obeyed. But then I realized you can’t have it both ways--a child who is compliant at home yet assertive in the world.

Jane was in seventh grade when I first suspected she might become a doctor. While I was away from the house one afternoon, Annette took a terrible fall off a go-cart. When I got home, Jane had Annette in bed with ice packs on her wounds. She knew exactly what to do.”

Ishrat Qureshey, 65, a homemaker in Irvine, mother of Safi Qureshey, 41, president of AST Research in Irvine:

“I believe that children are gifts from God, so we should provide them a loving, supportive environment and teach them good values, such as respect for elders and the laws of the country. We also should teach them to accept the differences of other people--different colors and religions.

When Safi was growing up in Pakistan, I tried to make sure that he had good friends who would not be bad influences. I told him it was better to have a few good friends than a lot of good-time friends.

He’s always been a thinker. As a boy, he would go out in the back yard and sit in a tree and think.”

Corrine Montgomery, 66, a homemaker in Irvine, mother of Scott Montgomery, 43, executive vice president of Salvati Montgomery Sakoda advertising agency in Costa Mesa:

“Scott was always a creative boy. When he was a teen-ager he decided to paint his room black. We compromised and let him paint the room royal blue with a black racing stripe.

Scott and his father used to go ‘round and ‘round at the dinner table. My husband thought that anyone with long hair was a hippie. Luckily, Scott was a box boy at the Alpha Beta in Fullerton, and they wouldn’t allow him to grow his hair longer than shoulder length.

For the first few years after he finished college, Scott changed jobs a lot. Each time was a promotion, but my husband couldn’t understand because in his day you didn’t jump from one job to another. My husband died in 1976; I wish he could have seen how successful Scott became.”

June Kawamura, 69, a homemaker in Newport Beach, mother of brothers A.G. and Matt Kawamura, ages 36 and 33, who operate Western Marketing in Fullerton, a produce growing and shipping company:

“I was very involved in my children’s lives. I served on the PTA, my husband and I went to all the sports events, we took an interest in their study projects. The trick was to keep track of the children every minute without them knowing it.

A.G. and Matt are as different as night and day. Even as a child, A.G. was into helping the less fortunate--making Thanksgiving bags for needy people and so on. After he graduated from Berkeley with a degree in literature, he went to Japan for a while to check out his roots. Matt was the competitive one, more athletic than academic. We used to joke that he majored in football.

They complement each other in their business. A.G. is people-oriented and Matt has a good business head--so Matt stays in the office working with numbers, while A.G. is the farmer out working with people in the field.”

Mimi Lesonsky, 59, a homemaker in Melville, New York, mother of Rieva Lesonsky, 40, editor of Entrepreneur magazine in Irvine:

“I don’t remember Rieva not being involved in books. I read to her when she was 6 months old. My father would yell at me, why are you giving a baby that book? But she never tore a page out. By sixth grade, she was reading the New York Times every day. She worked on the school paper and on the yearbook committee in high school.

My husband and I like to have all of our children close to home. When Rieva announced 14 years ago that she was moving to California, I said, ‘Over my dead body.’ But California has been a marvelous experience for her. Still, I wouldn’t be unhappy if she got an equal job in New York and said, ‘Mom, I’m coming home.’

Catherine Wilhelm, 63, a homemaker in Flint, Mich., mother of David Wilhelm, 44, owner of five Orange County restaurants, including Bistro 201 in Irvine and Diva in Costa Mesa:

“David was a well-behaved, studious child. He was never afraid of hard work. As a boy, he worked at a gas station and played in a rock band.

One day when he was in 12th grade, he said, ‘Mom, can I fix dinner for the family tonight?’ That was the first indication he was interested in food. It was a lovely effort--roast capon served on a silver tray rimmed with potatoes, and Baked Alaska for dessert. I said, ‘This isn’t fair, I’ve never been able to make a Baked Alaska.’

I don’t know what I did right. I was just a caring mother. The most important thing for any child is to feel loved. Too often, parents spend more time pursuing their own interests and not enough time with their children. My children were my life, and they still are.”

Gladys Morillo, 58, homemaker in Smyrna, Ga., mother of Margaret Morillo Stenson, 41, president and owner of Select Business Systems Temporary Services in Laguna Hills:

“My daughter always aspired to be somebody--a movie star or a businesswoman. She could have been in the movies because she looks like a model, I tell you. We would see Miss America on TV and I would say, ‘Someday you’re going to be in that pageant.’

Margaret grew up in New York. Sometimes people looked down on our family because of our Puerto Rican and Spanish heritage. But she always wanted to look up rather than dwell on the negative. She was a very proud person, and she wanted to make her parents proud of her.”

June Buehler, 72, a writer and schoolteacher in Napa Valley’s St. Helena, mother of Christine Diemer, 41, director of the Building Industry Assn. of Orange County in Irvine:

“Christine had free will to explore her creativity. It was her world as long as she stayed out of physical and emotional danger. I can only remember saying no to her twice--once when she was going to get on a motorcycle with her boyfriend and another time when she wanted to go to a slumber party and I found out boys would be there.

I worked full time when my daughters were growing up. It was a plus, as far as my kids were concerned. They learned to be self-reliant. I showed by example that anything was possible, that women can make it in a man’s world. For instance, I sued a department store because it wouldn’t give me a credit card under my own name.”

Joy King, 64, a homemaker in Lakeport, Calif., mother of Jennifer King, 42, a Santa Ana attorney who in 1990 served as the first woman president of the the Orange County Bar Assn.:

“Jennifer used to tell me things she learned in her child psychology classes in college--the damage parents can do to their kids. And I said, ‘If I’d known that, I probably would never have had children because it would scare the heck out of me.’ I just did the best I could and showed her a lot of love.

My only advice to parents would be to love each child as an individual. If your child is bashful and doesn’t want to do a lot of things, fine--not every child has to be a cheerleader or the top dog. Let your children enjoy life the way they want to, not the way you think they should.”

Cecilia Margaret Rinehardt, 67, retired restaurant owner in Hickory, N.C., mother of Fred Burrell, 43, owner of Burrell’s Barbecue restaurants in Santa Ana and Irvine:

“Fred has had a good business head ever since he was a little boy. When he was about 6, he got a job as a golf caddy. He’d make $3 a game in tips, and he’d pay a couple of younger boys 5 cents each to help him. So they’d do most of the work, and he’d collect most of the money.

Starting when he was about 13, he’d come into the kitchen at my restaurant and watch me cook. I told him, ‘To be a good cook, you can’t just follow my recipes, you have to add your own touch.’ So he added his own secret ingredients to my pound cake recipe and, honey, that was the best cake I’ve ever tasted. To this day, he won’t tell me how he makes it.”

Betsy Croft, 81, homemaker in Hominy, Okla., mother of Jo Ann Kruse, 39, president of Pioneer Savings & Loan in Newport Beach:

“Jo Ann was the youngest of seven children, so she was her daddy’s favorite. We grew vegetables, and she always got to ride on the tractor with him while the rest of us were pulling weeds by hand. He supervised rigs for oil companies, and he always took her out in the field with him. She was his little princess. I know that gave her a lot of confidence--there wasn’t a thing she thought she couldn’t do.

My husband was very strict with the children. Sometimes I thought he was being hard on them, but I always backed him up. The father and mother need to agree on their rules and stick by them. We never had any dispute about our children. We just wanted them to be good and decent.”