WIMBLEDON : Agassi Feeling Razor Sharp : Tennis: News conference of defending champion turns into a body hair seminar. Sampras, Graf win easily.

Was it a slow day at Wimbledon? With the weather a non-topic (it didn’t rain) and not much to talk about on the courts (no big upsets), the prime topic Wednesday at the most famous tennis tournament in the world was Andre Agassi’s body hair.

Wimbledon is the place where even the smallest item rarely goes unnoticed, from the color of your shirt to the fuzz on your belly.

Nothing is left unnoticed, especially by the eagle-eyed British tabloid press corps, who noticed that Agassi was not sporting the hair on his midriff that he had a year ago.

So the only thing left to answer was, who did the trim job? Edward Scissorhands or Cristophe?

Actually, minutes after Agassi clipped Joao Cunha-Silva of Portugal, 5-7, 6-3, 6-2, 6-0, he revealed that he had done the deed himself, and for a very good reason.

“It makes me a little more aerodynamic out there on the courts, you know?” Agassi said.

And so Agassi propelled himself, airborne, into the third round, where he could await another close shave from Australian qualifier Patrick Rafter.

While the rest of the tennis was sort of routine, Agassi’s post-match news conference may represent some sort of a landmark in a journalistic theater of the absurd.

Certainly the rest of the on-court news managed to confine itself to the conventional.

Included in the mix were Pete Sampras’ 6-4, 7-6 (7-5), 6-4 victory over Jamie Morgan; a 6-4, 7-6 (7-3), 6-1, 6-3 decision by Boris Becker over Alexander Volkov; Michael Stich’s 4-6, 6-1, 7-5, 6-4 decision over Sandon Stolle and mostly routine triumphs by Richard Krajicek, Steffi Graf, Arantxa Sanchez Vicario and Jennifer Capriati.

Sampras reported no flare-up of tendinitis in his shoulder and said he considers himself to be healthy, at least for now.

More important is how he manages to return serve the rest of the way, Sampras said.

“If you look at the past champions--Agassi won last year, and his return of serve is the best in the game, and that’s a good example of how important the return of serve is,” said Sampras, who never lost his serve against Morgan.

“The return, if I am going to win it here, that’s the shot, because in order to win on grass, you have to return,” he said.

Sampras referred to Centre Court as “peaceful,” something that could not be said about Agassi’s post-match news conference.

The agenda for this meeting of the minds quickly shifted to a discussion of Agassi’s body hair. In the interest of history, here is a transcript:

Q) “Can you tell us finally why and how you had your body hair removed?” A) “It’s not gone. It’s right here.” Q) “But there is much less of it now. Did you remove your body hair?” A) “Yes, I guess you could say that.” Q) “Why?” A) “It makes me a little more aerodynamic out there on the court, you know.” Q) “What method did you use?” A) “Well, you know, I’ll do it myself most of the time, but if there are other options I’ll have somebody else do it. But I’m very selective.” Q) “Is there anyone you particularly like to do it for you?” A) “Let me put it this way--I wouldn’t let you do it.”

And so it went. As Wimbledon official Jim Cochrane tried to keep the interview confined to tennis questions, Agassi interrupted to say he really preferred to talk about the hair on his stomach.

Agassi said he keeps the hair at a certain length, but doesn’t remove it entirely. He even said he may market the idea.

“It’s not patented yet,” he said.

The idea of early-round upsets at Wimbledon was patented long ago, but even Becker said the whole thing seems passe.

“I think these days you have only a few actual grass-court experts,” Becker said. “I think that is why you don’t have many guys who lose earlier on.”

Becker was distracted only briefly by a male spectator who said he wanted to have a child by Becker.

“A very strange comment,” said Becker, who was sympathetic to German countrywoman Steffi Graf being hassled Tuesday by an taunting fan.

Said Becker: “Too bad, sometimes, that people are crazy, you know?”

Wimbledon Notes

Helen Kelesi, who plays Steffi Graf in the third round, has set a goal. “I hope I last longer than 39 minutes,” said Kelesi, referring to the length of Graf’s 6-0, 6-0 first-round shutout of Kirrily Sharpe. Kelesi didn’t sound too hopeful. “I don’t have as many weapons as (Graf) on grass. She hits the ball so hard.” . . . The fan who was removed from Centre Court and ejected from the All England Club after yelling at Graf is a 29-year-old from Frankfurt, Germany, named Kurt zum Felde, according to police. Zum Felde’s photo was taken before his ejection and it is posted at all the gates so security guards can prevent him from returning. Graf, who defeated Clare Wood, 6-2, 6-1, in the second round said she hopes the issue blows over quickly. “There is nothing to talk about this any more,” she said. “I think you are making it sort of big in the papers. I don’t think you are making it easy for the players.”

It was a big day for fines. Paul Haarhuis was fined $1,500, Patrick McEnroe was fined $1,000 and Patrick Kuhnen was fined $500 for using the same four-letter word during their first-round matches. . . . Attention, Pete Sampras: For what it’s worth, the last No. 1-seeded men’s player to win Wimbledon was John McEnroe in 1984. Since then, the only top-seeded player to even make a final was Ivan Lendl, who lost to Boris Becker in 1986. . . . At the Los Angeles Tennis Center, Bob Kramer of the Southern California Tennis Assn. met Wednesday with Buford (Bo) Driskill of the U.S. Tennis Assn., to promote the UCLA location as the site for the U.S.-Bermuda Davis Cup relegation match in late September. The other site under consideration is believed to be Delray Beach, Fla.