Moving to Baltimore Easier Than Winning
You really have to wonder about the timing of this Rams-to-Baltimore thing--dropped into our laps moments before the Rams are thrashed, 40-17, to fall to 2-6, their worst start in a non-strike season since 1965, leaving most Ram fans in a you-want-’em-you-got-’em surly sort of mood.
Me, I’m suspicious. Especially when I hear John Shaw complain that the Rams are “disappointed we can’t draw more fans in Anaheim.”
Is this an evil plot, or what?
The Rams tank the first four years of the ‘90s, alienate a goodly portion of their fan base and then, when home crowds begin to dip below 45,000, announce they’re up and leaving because “the fans won’t support us.”
Let’s think hard here for a minute, John.
How can the Rams possibly draw more fans in Anaheim?
Oh, I don’t know . . .
Maybe . . . WIN SOME FOOTBALL GAMES.
I was flipping through the Ram record book the other day, leafing back to when the Rams used to contend for playoff spots, and just before my wrist cramped up, I noticed that the team averaged more than 59,000 in attendance in 1986, the year after they reached the conference championship game, and nearly 60,000 in 1990, again, the year after they reached the conference championship game.
In 1992, the year after the Rams went 3-13, average attendance was down below 48,000.
We could be on to something here, I think.
But if the Rams do decide to move the Baltimore, well, we will have to look on the bright side. Emphasize the positive, that’s what I always say.
The 30 Best Things About a Possible Move By the Rams to Baltimore:
1. Residents of Baltimore getting bored of Sunday rebroadcasts of 1958 NFL championship game.
2. Voter referendum to extend Oriole season by four months can be taken off Maryland ballot.
3. Potentially great rivalry in ‘95--Baltimore’s Rubley versus Carolina’s Everett.
4. Rams can put an entire continent between themselves and 49ers.
5. Name of new Baltimore football stadium, Ramden Yards, has nice ring.
6. Brooks Robinson can teach Ram wide receivers the art of fielding ground balls.
7. Whole new batch of trivia questions for bride-to-be to answer in “Diner II”: “You’re doing fine, honey. OK, No. 4--’How many times did Cleveland Gary fumble in 1990?’ ”
8. Angels would move up in Most Popular Professional Sports Team in Anaheim poll, from third to second.
9. Or maybe Anaheim could package Angels in the deal and trade both teams to Baltimore for Orioles.
10. With no Rams, Orange Countians can devote more time to more serious problems, such as, “Why can’t the Mighty Ducks score?”
11. Baltimore used to have a football team that lived off glories of the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s. Now it can have another.
12. Mike Pagel Fan Club can take streamers and T-shirts out of mothballs. Pagel was the last man to start at quarterback for the Baltimore Colts, in 1983, when he was a year younger than T.J. Rubley is now.
13. Baltimore without professional football has been like Baltimore without steamed crab.
14. Anaheim without professional football would be like Anaheim since 1989.
15. Exasperating Super Bowl moment--Jimmy Orr in the clear, waving frantically while Earl Morrall throws interception to other side of the field--has prepared Baltimore fans for Everett and Rubley.
16. “Flipper’s Crabcake and Seafood Emporium” would be major hit in the Harborplace.
17. Baltimore has great football winning tradition. Since 1983, when the Colts left for Indianapolis, Baltimore has won only one fewer division championship than Anaheim.
18. Rams haven’t played in Baltimore since 1971. Fans will be intrigued by team’s new, avant-garde interpretation of special teams play.
19. Potentially hilarious press conference when team announces it is moving to Baltimore but retaining the name “Los Angeles Rams”: “In 1980, we moved to a different county and a different area code, trained in Fullerton, practiced in Anaheim, played in Anaheim, sold season-ticket packages from Brea to San Clemente and still called ourselves ‘Los Angeles’ because we felt we owed it to longtime fans of the club. We still do.”
20. Potentially hilarious bar room scenes when Everett announces, “I’m the best all-time quarterback in Baltimore history.”
21. Ram-Redskin rivalry will be huge, with both teams competing intensely for first pick in the draft.
22. Boog Powell on the sideline funnier than Jay Leno on the sideline.
23. With Baltimore, Atlanta and New Orleans comprising 75% of the division, “NFC West” takes on fascinating new look.
24. After all these years, Joe Namath would be welcome again in Baltimore, returning for annual Ye Olde Ram banquets.
25. Rams would no longer run the risk of getting outdrawn by the neighborhood hockey team on head-to-head Sundays. The Skipjacks just moved to New Brunswick.
26. Carroll Rosenbloom once traded Colts for Rams in hugest transaction in NFL history. His widow Georgia can now trade team back to Baltimore for nothing.
27. Georgia will appreciate Baltimore’s many new shopping malls.
28. Georgia will be lauded as toast of the town, “The Woman Who Brought Football Back to Baltimore,” at least until Jerome Bettis jumps to Indianapolis in mid-contract dispute.
29. Freedom Bowl will be bigger than ever.
30. High school football in Orange County, so sadly ignored by local newspapers since 1980, can finally receive the media coverage it is due.