Helping Fresh Arrivals Find Fast Friends : Thousand Oaks: The Newcomers Club has monthly get-togethers to welcome new residents, a service a psychologist calls “absolutely critical.”

Sherri Lindermann was a world away from her family in Utah when she suffered a miscarriage last December. But she was not alone.

Shortly after she moved to Newbury Park in November, 1990, Lindermann joined the Conejo Valley Newcomers Club, a group made up mostly of women also recently arrived in the area.

Lindermann got an instant support system, and her friends were there for her when she needed them.

“When word spread that I lost the baby, people called and sent notes,” Lindermann says. “They did really help me through it. They were much more supportive than even my own family. It made me feel special to know that they really did care about me and my loss.”

Moving can be at the very least disruptive, and at the most traumatic, psychologists say. It is especially difficult for a woman who gives up a settled life for the unknown, often to follow a husband taking a new job.

“The biggest issue in a move is all the loss women go through,” psychologist David Ross says. “Women tend to be more defined by their relationships, while men are more defined by their jobs. When there is a move, it is the woman who must start all over.”

The Newcomers Club has been helping women--and men--start over for 32 years. There is no record of how the organization began, but Barbara Nelson, the club’s third president, has a theory.

“There was nothing to do back then,” says Nelson, who moved to Thousand Oaks in 1960. “There were two restaurants, no movies. Nothing. I think it was just a group of women who got together and started organizing it.”

In those days, just about everyone living in Thousand Oaks was a newcomer. And, as Nelson says, a lot of the women wanted something to do that was fun--no charity work, nothing political. Just a chance to get out of the house to socialize.

“We dressed to the teeth,” Nelson says. “There wasn’t much to dress up for, so it was kind of fun. The newspapers covered our luncheons. It all came from a real need, since there was not much to do and we did not want to go out of the valley.”

The philosophy of the Newcomers Club has not changed in 30 years, says Karen Finkbiner, current president.

“We are nonprofit and exclusively social,” Finkbiner told a recent kaffeeklatsch to greet the latest group of newcomers. “Our roster is not to be used for commercial purposes. We’re here to help you meet friends as soon as possible.”

It is a service that Ross describes as “absolutely critical.”

“A woman can be overwhelmed by the newness, not knowing where to go, where to do their banking, the obvious things,” Ross says. “If they don’t deal with their sense of loss verbally, they can become withdrawn, frustrated and angry.”

No wonder many of the women who join Newcomers say the club saved their lives.

Carol Lantz recalls the trauma of her move to Thousand Oaks in June, 1990, after living in Orange County for nine years. At the same time she was leaving behind her friends, her two sons left home. She felt tremendously isolated while fixing up her new empty nest.

“I used to sit at the mall, looking at my watch, and pray someone would come talk to me, just to ask me what time it was,” says Lantz. She heard about Newcomers through a member of the Conejo Valley Welcoming Service, which visits new residents and provides information on the area.

“Thank God she came when she did,” Lantz says. “For so many years, I had been someone’s wife or mother. With Newcomers, I’m just Carol.”

Many of the women who join Newcomers do not work and have time for the club’s almost daily activities. The women range in age and personal experiences. There are a few members from other countries and fewer minorities. But, Finkbiner says, “they are all welcome and we encourage them to join.”

Finkbiner notes that while men are also welcome, most--but not all--tend to join through their wives. Larry Pender, 27, who moved to Thousand Oaks from Santa Barbara about 18 months ago, turned to Newcomers as a way to meet people. He has since been active in trying to establish a singles group within the club.

“The message is that if you want to meet people, you have to step out,” says Pender, a financial planner. “You’ve got to get involved with different groups, because people are not going to be knocking down your door to meet you.”

To get newcomers to join, the club sponsors a coffee get-together on the first Wednesday of every month at a member’s home. The club now has about 300 members, Finkbiner says. The only requirement for joining is that a member live in the area for not more than two years.

Once a member exceeds the residency requirement, he or she moves into a sister group, Encore, which also has about 300 members. The two groups have some joint activities and they alternate in sponsoring a monthly luncheon.

The club recruits new members through flyers that are left at libraries and distributed by the Conejo Valley Welcoming Service.

But most hear of the club through word of mouth.

Turnout for the monthly coffees varies. Four new residents attended September’s gathering and only one, Milly Roots, said she would not join the club. “I did enjoy the group,” says Roots, a widow with many relatives in the Thousand Oaks area, “but they were all younger than I am.”

“The biggest thing for you to do is get involved,” counseled Wilma Rose, who describes her move from Kansas as a “major adjustment.”

Members also encourage new arrivals to take part in the club’s myriad activities, including luncheons, sewing, bowling, cooking, art, books and garden groups.

“Everybody was really friendly,” says Andrea McFadden, who was one of the new arrivals attending the September coffee. “I have never before belonged to a club to do things with other women, just for fun. Everything is usually work-associated or school-associated.”

In fact, McFadden, who moved to Westlake Village from Iowa in July so her husband could take a job with Amgen, has just been offered two jobs as a physician’s assistant. She says she is not looking forward to the prospect of going back to work.

“It’s all because of Newcomers. I’m just having so much fun.”

FYI

Persons interested in joining the Conejo Valley Newcomers Club may call Mary Jo Lusk at 492-5473 for more information. The group’s next event is scheduled for 7:30 p.m. Dec. 1.