Little Comfort or Joy : Homeless Families Face an Even Tougher Time During Holidays

Standing next to the busy Santa Ana intersection holding a cardboard sign that reads: HOMELESS, HAVE KIDS, PLEASE HELP US, Gina snapped open a fortune cookie two weeks ago and smiled as she showed the message to her husband.

“Your luck has been completely changed today,” it said. She couldn’t help but laugh when she recited the message in husband Darren’s cookie: “Your home is a pleasant place from which you draw happiness.”

Gina and Darren have been desperate for their luck to change, but home is far from a pleasant place these days. It’s the first homeless Christmas for the couple and their two small children (Darren lost his job at an auto parts store eight months ago).

“It’s degrading,” said Darren, looking down at the holes in his shoes on that sunny afternoon. “But at least this way, I know we’re going to be together . . . the family is my backbone.”

As it turns out, the young family won’t be together for the holidays. Darren was arrested a week after he was interviewed and is serving a 15-day sentence in Orange County Jail for failing to appear in court on a traffic ticket, according to jail officials. Gina and the children haven’t been seen since at the southwest corner of Bristol and 17th streets.

“I don’t know what they’re going to do,” said the manager of the Main Street motel where the family had recently been staying. “(Gina) just came in the other day with the kids, and said her husband was in jail. . . . I don’t know where they went.”

Such is the way of life on the streets of Orange County, where an estimated 15,000 people reside. Although homeless families tend to be uncooperative statistics, a survey released in October by the Orange County Homeless Issues Task Force indicates that there are more of them on the streets than ever.

About half the county’s homeless population are children with an average age of 8, said Tim Shaw, the task force’s executive director. This week, the U.S. Conference of Mayors reported that nationwide, families now total 43% of the homeless population.

“The fastest-growing segment of the homeless population is families with children,” Shaw said, adding that they spend an average of 445 days homeless.

“It’s very sad,” he said.

For homeless families, the holiday season with its emphasis on gaiety and giving is a particularly difficult time. Parents must deal with the added burden of trying to keep the spirit of Santa Claus alive with nothing in their pockets and nothing over their heads.

Paul Wittenberg, a Los Alamitos psychologist who counsels homeless families, says the effect of holiday homelessness on children is measured by how many gifts children are used to getting and how much their parents dwell on the current situation.

“Kids are resilient,” Wittenberg said. “The problem occurs when the parents communicate the loss. If the parents respond in a positive, upbeat manner, then the effects (on the children) are minimal.”

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Patricia, who has been homeless since September when she packed up her two children and left her husband, said that when her son asks about Christmas, he is told “that Santa is sick and that he can’t bring everything that he wants.”

She and her children recently moved into a temporary apartment made available by the Thomas House family shelter in Garden Grove. She said she and her son, Zabdiel, 5, and daughter, Astrid, 3, were just a few days away from their first night on the street when they entered the nonprofit facility.

“If it wasn’t for Thomas House, we would be living on the street,” she said, adding that this is her family’s first Christmas without a home.

“It’s very lonely,” she said, her eyes filling with tears. “I have no family here. . . . Everyone’s in Mexico.”

With holiday parties and adopt-a-family programs, the staff at Thomas House keeps especially busy this time of year, said volunteer Kristi Luther.

“Emotionally, it’s a lot tougher to see families without a place to go at Christmas,” she said.

The shelter, which has assisted about 400 families in its five-year history, is currently helping 33 families this holiday season.

But despite an aggressive outreach program, some homeless parents are either too proud or too confused to accept help.

“I don’t know why some of them don’t come in when I give them my card,” she said, adding that many homeless parents are afraid of losing custody of their children. There is a waiting list at Thomas House, and families entering the program are required to attend classes in parenting and nutrition and focus on gaining self-sufficiency.

“I work very hard here,” Patricia said. “I want to get a job and get my own place in January.”

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For Patricia, holiday homelessness turned out to be a hard-knocks lesson and an opportunity to count blessings--a Christmas to grow on.

But for mothers such as Wendy, 23, who had her two children taken away by the county after she was evicted from her Huntington Beach apartment three weeks ago, the thought of Christmas minus a home brings on an almost paralyzing depression.

“When you’re down this low, it’s hard to get back up,” she said. “It’s like they cut your body in half an then they tell you to walk.”

Wendy’s 9-year-old daughter, Ashley Rose and 5-year-old son, Cameron, will spend Christmas in the temporary custody of Wendy’s mother. The two children will remain there until the court makes a ruling on their permanent placement.

“Ashley asks me how Santa’s going to find us,” Wendy said. “I say, ‘Santa’s coming.’ ”

Despite their lack of street address, Santa is scheduled to visit Wendy’s children on Christmas Day. With her belongings in a garbage bag, Wendy scraped for free holiday services while most of Orange County crowded the malls, and her effort paid off. McDonnell-Douglas adopted her family for Christmas through Parent Help USA.

“I’m glad it will be Christmas for them,” she said.

Her kids will have presents to open, but Wendy still feels the pain of being alone and homeless for the holidays.

“Christmas to me is family, warmth, security,” Wendy said, looking with a sigh at the newly trimmed tree in her mother’s low-income apartment. “Now I feel like a failure. . . . It doesn’t even seem like Christmas.”