On Sunset Boulevard or Not, These Days the Play’s the Thing

Downey’s California:

--Holiday thought: Better to have Jack Frost nipping at your nose than Dennis Hopper sniffing at your shoes.

--Were I Robert Duvall, I would have told my agent: “No way. Wrestling Mariel Hemingway, maybe.”

--Two Wisconsin people in town for the Rose Bowl heard that Glenn Close was doing “Sunset Boulevard.” They walked the street for three days and never saw her once.

--New script I’m writing based on Mario Lemieux’s underwear: “The Penguin Brief.”

--No, no, no, no, no. Fox wants John Madden. Fox wants Pat Summerall. Fox wants Terry Bradshaw. I thought Fox wanted to give us a reason to change the channel. Turns out all Fox wants to give us is a remote to change the channel.

--I can already hear their ads: “You’re watching ‘The NFL Today on CBS on Fox.’ ”

--I would hire Chick Hearn, too, just so Variety’s headline could read: “CHICK IN FOX HOUSE.”

--Well, that sale of KMPC all-sports radio will be finalized any year now--1995, 1996, latest.

--The last time I saw uniforms uglier than the ones the Milwaukee Bucks are wearing, monkeys were flying toward Oz.

--Watching the Bucks wear purple is like watching the Lakers wear white.

--Dallas has a clean shot at the record for consecutive seasons (two) in which the NFL team posts more victories than the NBA team.

--You watch, Troy Aikman will blow the whole $50 million on Lorrie Morgan albums.

--Next time the Clippers play the Warriors in Oakland, call your bookie. Take the Clippers and the 47 points against the spread.

--Ron Harper said the Clippers play better on the road. I’ve seen squirrels play better on the road.

--Don’t fault Donald Sterling and Bruce McNall if they phone Georgia Frontiere and say: “Wait. We’re going to Baltimore with you!”

--Been following the Kings’ hockey games on TV? Every one of them must have stopped using illegal sticks.

--Are switchblades permitted at a Shark-Jet game?

--CNN showed a “Play of the Day” in which a high school basketball player runs off the court, into a washroom, out another door and back onto the court to make a basket. Well, it’s official. Now I have seen it all.

--Lenny Dykstra’s new deal with the Phillies includes an unusual disaster clause in case a wad of chewing tobacco swallows him.

--You know what I’d really like next Christmas? An Earl Anthony-autographed ball.

--I got excited about this new TV program, “Viper,” until I found out it wasn’t about a sports agent.

--Still angry at Fox, CBS might not show Jim Everett’s jersey on TV in Los Angeles any more because his number is 11.

--The only thing Fox won’t show is World Cup soccer games involving Colombia.

--Italy, Ireland and Mexico were put in the same World Cup bracket. I don’t know how the games will be, but the refreshment stands should be great.