Teddies, Garters and Cleavage--Oh, My!
Lingerie manufacturers and their publicists have declared April 10-16 to be “Lingerie Week.” This is all well and good for women who need seven days to ponder the cosmic significance of the teddy.
We, however, have seen the light, prompted by Mr. Inside Out’s suggestion that we trade our shapeless sweats for something a little easier on the eyes. (Such sexist pandering is normally beneath us, but when he said, “Shop!” we blurted: “How high?”)
Our search for semi-provocative TV-watching ensembles led us to Michael Kors’ stretchy velvet tank dresses, bias-cut gowns and handsome black flannel robes piped in silk (available at Bullock’s). Very simple, very classy.
And that--according to a survey conducted on the eve of Lingerie Week by the Intimate Apparel Council--is exactly what most men say they prefer. Of course, 75% of these guys admit to loving garter belts and a whopping 97% are coo-coo for cleavage. But we’re sure they mean very simple garter belts and very classy cleavage. . . .
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When There’s No Time to Cook Because You’ve Been at the Beauty Parlor All Day: The image-conscious clientele at Jose Eber in Beverly Hills are paragons of self-discipline. Shoving a rich dessert, even a healthy one, down their swan-like throats isn’t easy.
I can’t eat dairy, they protest when offered a slice of chocolate raspberry cake from the salon’s Planet Earth cafe. “There’s no dairy,” Candace Farrell assures them. I can’t eat sugar, they wail. “There’s no sugar,” she answers. I can’t eat fats. “There are only two grams!” Clearly, the salon is a perfect testing ground for Planet Earth’s gourmet spa cuisine.
Low cal, we hear, is also key to the Italian menu at Umberto’s soon-to-open takeout spot near his flagship Canon Drive beauty salon. “Umberto’s first love is hair, but his hobby is cooking Italian food,” says salon coordinator Babette Beja while sampling a plate of Umberto-style pasta. “The recipes are old-fashioned but lighter. Less meat, stock instead of olive oil.”
Oh, and hold the mousse.
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What About Flared?: In our rush to scoop up the week’s trendiest magazines, we accidentally bought a copy of Face (an overpriced guide to fashion and beauty for Asian American women), instead of the Face (an overpriced guide to British bohemia). Just past “Confessions of a Phone Sex Slave” was a fascinating discourse on the art of Chinese face reading. Even our nostrils, face reader Lillian Lesefko says, have a story to tell.
People with large nostrils, “Watch out! You spend money easily,” Lesefko warns. “But if the nostrils are large and narrowed, you want value for your money.” The smaller the nostril, the tighter the fist.
We wondered how Lesefko might analyze Laura Hart, the facial exercise guru who credits her Face Life regime (available on videotape) with giving her brighter eyes, fuller lips and “two almond-shaped nostrils”? With suspicion, we’d think.
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Lane and Kent: As intrepid reporter Lois Lane, actress Teri Hatcher wears a closetful of curvy, idiosyncratic suits from L.A. designer Margi Kent’s Vintage Collection. As a real-life bride next month, Hatcher will also wear a Kent design.
“We’re really excited,” said Kent, who was working on the gown’s neckline at her Melrose Avenue studio Wednesday. “She wanted something simple and elegant. And, of course, we specialize in timeless designs, so that’s perfect.” Hatcher’s long gown is cut on the bias and is made of a fabric with a soft sheen. More than that, Kent won’t say.
The designer did tell us she isn’t responsible for the gown Lois Lane wears to wed Lex Luthor in the season finale of “Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman.” The traditional gown--”not Teri’s personal style”--came out of stock.
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Does Cat Woman Know About This?: A company that provides feline cadavers to college and university labs wants to buy thousands of L.A.’s euthanized cats. And Mimi Robins, city animal regulation commission president, likes the idea.
“If I were a cat,” she told City News Service, “I would rather be used for something (useful).”
Currently, it seems, the Animal Regulation Department pays another company “an exorbitant amount” to dispose of the bodies of unwanted animals. The bodies are ground up for use in fertilizers and, uh, cosmetics. We’re not going to think about that one minute more.
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Shoe-In: Ever hankered for a pair of Vanna White’s pumps? Billy Ray Cyrus’ white Reebok high-tops? How about legendary ballerina Natalia Makarova’s satin pointe shoes? All of them are up for grabs, along with the shoes of more than 50 other celebrities, at an auction April 11-16 at Macy’s in San Francisco’s Union Square.
We’re fantasizing about Jane Russell’s powder-puff mules. Proceeds from the auction go to a nonprofit dance company, Dance Through Time, and bidders are promised anonymity.
Sounds like an invitation for shoe aficionados such as former Marla Maples Trump publicist Chuck Jones, who has admitted a “sexual fascination” with women’s shoes. Jones was sentenced Wednesday to prison for stealing dozens of pairs of panties, shoes and boots belonging to Mrs. Trump. Marla, incidentally, didn’t contribute any shoes to the auction. Word is, she’s busy restocking her closets.
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The Rich Are Different From You and Me: You can find us most nights glued to Court TV’s coverage of the juicy Orange County palimony trial involving Claire Maglica and her ersatz “husband,” flashlight millionaire Anthony Maglica.
We’ll never forget Claire’s masterful handling of a pesky American Express bill for an amount so large it had accrued $11,000 in interest. The charges were for clothes sent to her from that consummate ‘80s shopping pavilion, Torie Steele. Claire simply told the bothersome creditor that she couldn’t possibly pay her debt because she had no assets--neither car, nor home, nor job.
Gosh, why didn’t we think of that when we foolishly ran up an American Express bill some 15 years ago? But no. We dutifully mailed the company a token amount each month until the balance was paid in full. Sucker!
